For My Bear

If love could be defined by a song or a rhyme,

We'd probably hear about it all the time.

Oh, wait, I guess we do...

That's why I'm always singing it to you.

But, unfortunately, "love" isn't a strong enough word

To describe what I feel for you,

How absurd!

I've searched and I've tried

To find something that would suffice,

Sometimes it even kept me up at night.

There has to be some way

To explain how I love you more and more and More each day

Some sentiment that says,

"You mean the world to me", and 

Nothing less

How could I say, "you're the most caring person I know" 

And have it mean so much more than any one phrase can show?

I wish there was a term

To explain how you make me burn...

With love for you, of course!

I didn't mean to that to sound any worse ;)

Oh what a pity that nothing in the English Language describes 

How much better you've made my life.

While I won't stop searching, true,

I guess "I love you, Lucas" will do.

-Allison S. Dahl

What Happened With That?

This post is a sequel (if you will) to my adoption post. I would suggest reading that one before continuing to read this post, just so it makes more sense :)

When Lucas and I first moved to Nevada, I decided I wasn't going to tell anyone about the adoption. First of all, I didn't know anyone well enough to discuss that with them, but also, I didn't want to hear their opinions about it. Moving here was like a clean slate, and I didn't need to share my life with complete strangers anymore (I know my blog speaks the complete opposite of that...since I don't think I know 12,000 people...but you get my point). I just decided to skip that part when telling people about my life after high school. After a while, I felt pretty weird leaving that major detail out.

Facebook has a lovely way of reminding us of events in the past by using its "memories" feature. It's kind of fun to see random posts I've made over the years. Well, this past month marks two years since I first shared my story as a birth mother online. Seeing that memory made me feel even more weird that I didn't tell anyone I placed a baby for adoption. Reading all the comments and shares from that post were very encouraging, and thus inspired me to break my silence. Once again.

Time has a funny way of altering our perspectives on things. After I posted my story two years ago, I wasn't hesitant anymore to tell anyone I had had a baby. I was actually eager to talk about it because I hoped it would help someone along the way. I was happy when people asked me why I decided to place Adelé, and even happier to have a story written out to refer to. Well, as time went on and did its fancy altering, I stopped talking about it as much. It was like my fifteen minutes of fame had died down, and talking about it sounded more like a re-run to me. I wasn't really hiding it yet, and every now and then I would still share things about it, but it didn't really come up anymore. Sure enough, after more time had passed, my perspective on my story changed. I still look at it as a very hard thing I went through, but that isn't the main point anymore. When I shared it the first time, it was more of a way to cope with the pain of placing her. Sharing my story was my way of being completely vulnerable in hopes it would help heal me. I won't lie, it definitely helped to see the tremendous amount of support I received from people I didn't even know. Looking back on those comments has given me strength even now, which I'm grateful for. Now, though, I look at my story as a birth mother from quite a different light. While in the process of my perspective evolving, I found myself biting my tongue each time I went to mention the adoption here in Nevada.

After all the initial pain of giving your child to someone else has decreased, you start to look for the reward of "doing the right thing". At least that's how I was. I was hoping that some miraculous life-changing experience would happen and it would all make sense as to why I had to go through everything. Well, I'm here to tell you, there wasn't an event like that. Yes, I was able to marry an incredibly wonderful man, and yes I was able to attend school and work my way to a decent job, but who's to say I wouldn't have been able to do those things had I kept Adelé? The answer is no one. There isn't a guarantee that my life would be awful if I had made the other choice. There's a chance everything would've worked out about the same, I'd just have Adelé as my daughter. That's just it though, there's a chance. Just a chance that everything would have worked out so that Adelé could have a decent father figure. Just a chance that she could grow up in a stable home, and just a chance that I would be able to provide for her before I met someone who would be willing to join our family. My friends, this realization was my life-changing event. It took some time for this thought to evolve, but it's clear now.

I remember holding Adelé for the first time and being so dumbfounded at how perfect she was. There really aren't any words to describe that feeling. The chance that everything would work out for her best interest was not one I was willing to take. She deserved far more than the chance things would be to her best interest. I knew, for a fact, that she would have a loving mother and father with Holly and Oley. I knew that they would provide her with every need (and some) she had. I knew that she'd have a place to call her home, and have a happy one at that. I knew that Adelé would never question if she was loved or not. With the adoption being open, she'll always have a way to find answers to the questions she may have once she gets older. I see her every now and then, and she is so happy. She has her father wrapped around her finger, and loves every minute of it. She looks up to her mother and calls her Mommy, and doesn't question that. I see how much Holly and Oley love her, too. If you saw them as a family and had no idea she was adopted, you wouldn't know because they love her like she was their own. They just fit together. Yeah, they have their challenges I'm sure (because no family is perfect), but they're happy, and happy together. That was something that I couldn't take from Adelé. I couldn't sacrifice every sure joy in her life for the chance I could give her the same.

Well, I am so grateful now that I had the courage to make that heart-throbbing decision. It was only divine intervention that made me willing to do it in the first place, and it was through the help of my Savior that I was able to go through with it. I get to see how happy Adelé is, and how her life is off to a beautiful start. She's growing much too fast, but I'm happy to see Holly and Oley enjoying it so much.

Even after two and half years, it's still hard for me at times. That pain is minimal, though, when I see how truly happy Holly, Oley, and Adelé are. It's worth every struggle to know I made the best decision I could for that sweet little girl. I'm sure as time goes on, I'll come to realize more reasons as to why this decision was so crucial. For now, I'm satisfied with saying that placing Adelé not only shaped me into a stronger person, but it also gave her the life she deserves. It's true that it was incredibly hard to know I couldn't be the one to provide that, but I'm happy I could find a couple who could. So, if you have ever thought to yourself, "I wonder what ever happened with that girl's adoption, and if things worked out..", now you know. It did work out, it really did.

-Allison S. Dahl

Somewhere In Between

I don't know what it is lately, but coming up with a blog introduction has been unusually challenging. When all else fails, I figure an honest statement will do. ;)

The last time I posted, Lucas and I were in a boat that seemed to be sinking. Looking back, a few months doesn't seem like a long time to struggle. During the time however, it seemed like it would never end. I think our short two and a half months down here has really taught us some valuable lessons. I'm really excited...and slightly hesitant...to see what the next several years will teach us.

I just have to say Lucas is a wonderful man. I know it sounds corny to gush about him, and I'm sure at least fifty percent of my audience will roll their eyes at this, but I'm going to anyway. I love Lucas more and more each day. I remember hearing a man say that about his wife when I was younger, and I always thought it sounded impossible. How could you love someone more than you did just the day before? While I can't possibly convey the exact amount of love I have for Lucas, I do know it is ever growing. Perhaps that's what the man meant, because it makes perfect sense to me now. Every day I spend with Lucas, I find more things to love about him. More often than not, I find myself falling in love with him all over again. One night a couple of weeks ago, I was having a pretty hard time. Lucas caught on to that, and somehow knew just what I needed. He turned on the song we danced to on our first date (Yellow by Coldplay) and we slowed danced in our kitchen. We've made the dancing a small habit now, but that night it meant so much. Lucas calmed my fears and in the brief time the song was playing, I felt so much appreciation for him. As we danced, I pictured that first night in my head, and all of the other nights in between, and I couldn't help but be in my own state of bliss. I know I'll never understand how or what I did to deserve such a wonderful man, but I am so grateful he's mine for eternity. What a blessing it is to know that no matter what happens in this life, I'll get to have him in the next. 

As far as what happens in this life, oh man, there's a ton. Moving down here with just the two of us is one of the best things we have been privileged enough to do. It has also been the hardest thing we've done together. I feel like when you plan everything out, and things seem to be going accordingly, that's when a curve ball gets thrown. It's almost life's way of saying "good one". Beyond just our job transfers not working out, there were some other disheartening occurrences that really hit us hard. Disappointment took many forms, and we were both ready to 'throw in the towel' and call it quits. When we were at our lowest, we turned to our Savior in hopes that a miracle would happen. Lucas and I have attended the temple several times since we've been down here and it's amazing to me the comfort we've found there. Each time we have gone, the feeling of 'everything will work out' has given us the strength to stay. My testimony in the Gospel has grown so much in such a short time. I know Heavenly Father has been mindful of us, and I've felt the love of our Savior so strongly. So, we stuck it out. We didn't throw in the towel. I already have found new employment, and Lucas is doing the same. It'd be a stretch to say "everything has worked out" because we're still in the process, but things are looking better. 

Our boat is surfacing and the waters are looking less fierce. I'm so grateful to be on this journey with Lucas. I've loved watching our marriage grow stronger and seeing how close we've come to Heavenly Father. Somewhere in between is a lovely place to be, and we're getting closer each step of the way.

-Allison S. Dahl

Update!

We received a check in the mail this week! With excitement, Lucas and I opened it to find the amount was filled in as "Reality".  Gotta love those. ;)

All joking aside, moving to a new place has been challenging. I suppose I should give ourselves some credit, though. It has only been a little over a week, so it's probably acceptable to get lost every time we get in our car. Thank goodness for modern technology and maps! I think we'd still be trying to find our apartment if it weren't for our smartphones.

Beyond losing our sense of direction, Lucas and I have found that there are many unexpected turns our lives keep taking. I won't lie my friends, it's been hard to stay positive. We had hoped that our transition would be smoother. Moving isn't ever really smooth though, is it? If there's one thing we can take from this past week, it's that we don't want to move again for a very long time! Even though it's hard to admit, we're both pretty homesick.

Our first night at work was when this whole moving thing turned from exciting to difficult. I don't think either of us realized just how great things were for us in Idaho. Transferring jobs always comes with its own set of adjustments (i.e. new management, new coworkers, new location, different standards/procedures) but man, this transfer was discouraging. Not only is it far from our apartment, but it's also not a reliable source of income for us. We've both decided that we either need to transfer to a closer location, or find a new job altogether.

It's easy for me to whine to Lucas about all of the things going wrong (poor guy), but he's helped me realize it'll be ok. Somehow, in some way, things will work out just like they always have. Lucas and I have definitely hit our own set of lows this week, but it has brought us closer together. We have a friend we worked with back home and she said that this would be the best thing for our marriage. Not that our marriage was faltering by any means, but I can understand a little bit better what she meant now. We've had to rely on each other and Heavenly Father more than we ever have before. And like I said, it's just been over a week. I'm excited and nervous for what further lessons living here will teach us.

Even though this move has been hard, we've been looking for ways to lift our spirits! I will try to keep this blog more updated, I know you're all just dying to hear about Lucas and I ;)

Thanks for reading!

-Allison S. Dahl

Comfort

Feeling lost,

Upside down

World is spinning,

Feet off the ground.

Change is near,

Coming fast

Tasting fear,

Remembering past.

Hopeful though,

Because of love

So I'll go,

Without a shove.

Peace arrives,

Just in time

Gaining confidence,

With his hand in mine.

-Allison S. Dahl

A Little Bit of Allison: Check, Please.

As many of you know, my husband and I are servers. I think I've mentioned this before, but the restaurant we work at is one of the busiest in our town. I love working there. I definitely owe it a big thanks for guiding me to my best friend/eternal companion. I love our restaurant because the people I've met there have been amazing co-workers and have taught me several life lessons in one way or another.

So, Lucas and I work at a restaurant full time. Big deal, right? A lot of people are in the serving industry. It is a great and ever growing workforce to be a part of. Some people have made it their career and are doing just fine. The money is nice for servers because you get to go home with cash every night. Sometimes you are there for short hours and make some serious cash, and sometimes you are there for long hours and make seriously-depressing cash. Either way, though, we've all seemed to have pulled through one way or another.

The purpose of this post is to educate, not offend.

It appears to be a trend that's slowly catching on to read and share articles that explain tipping. I've seen (and have even been a part of) comment threads where the debate thickened on what appropriate tipping is. The hard thing with this topic is it's so awkward! Money is always so awkward, especially when it comes to shelling it out based on your opinion of the service you received. After a great while of debating on writing this post, I finally decided it was ok to come out and explain why tipping is important, from a server's view.

I will say that this post is directly about servers/waiters/waitresses, so that is the only job code I am talking about. Anyway, depending on the state, an hourly wage for a server is anywhere from $2.00-$15.00. Let's be clear though, only a handful of states pay their servers over $5.00 an hour. In Idaho, the typical hourly pay for a server is $3.35 an hour. The assumption with giving that ridiculously low hourly wage is that you'll make up for it in tips. If you don't, however, the company won't make it up for you. Say you get 'stiffed' (def.-receiving $0.00 for a tip on a check) on every single table you serve for the entire week, you will only be getting the $3.35 for each hour you were clocked in. Period. That's it. Luckily, I have only been 'stiffed' a few select times in my two years of serving, so that hasn't happened to me. Even when we do get tips, we report all of them at the end of our shift to taxes. After taxes are taken out of these so called paychecks, we're lucky if we get more than $10.00 on payday. It may sound like I'm exaggerating, but ask a server you know. It may surprise you how much money we aren't getting.

Now, with that being said, you usually can get pretty good tips if you become a good server. It takes some time, but it comes. Even when I was beginning my serving days, people would tip nicely because they took pity on the new girl. Now I've learned how to connect with my tables and they usually leave a tip between 15%-20% on their check. We servers don't try to give our guests a good time just to squeeze the last dime out of them. At least for me, I like to help my tables enjoy a dining out experience. If that means hanging around and answering their questions, or getting what they want and only showing back up when they're ready to pay, I'm fine with it. I will do the best I can to ensure guest satisfaction. (I'm starting to sound like the handbook. *yack*) Really though, your time is important to us servers. We know you've selected our restaurant and we do what we can to keep you coming back.

I can't tell you how excited I am to live in Nevada and not be confronted with the ever-looming issue of serving people I know who don't know how to tip. I once read a comment on a debate thread where the gentleman said: "You shouldn't complain because you chose to work there. If people don't want to tip you, it's probably because you did a bad job, and you chose to make that your income." He is correct in the fact that we did indeed choose to work there. My husband and I felt secure in making people's generosity our main source of surviving. We made that decision confidently, because as I said before, most of the time people tip well. If I could personally respond to said gentleman, I would tell him that yes, I did choose this job. Guess what, though? I went to school for a specified profession and came to find (after I finished it) that I make a lot more money as a server than I would have if I worked in that field. As frustrating as that was to find out, it was more frustrating to realize a job I walked into was going to be more supportive than one I worked to obtain. And while there are times that my service isn't excellent, that table chose to eat out. Here in Idaho, and even the whole country itself, it's expected to leave gratuity. The industry wouldn't function the way it does if tipping wasn't an expectation. So, yes sir, you are correct, but you may want to dine at McDonald's more often if that is how you feel about tipping. They don't expect you to tip at all! Try it out for size.

Sometimes we'll have a table where they do indeed leave a tip, but it's insulting with how low it is. A %15 tip is standard, and an average tip. That means that if your bill was $23.50, an average tip would be $3.52. You could even round down two cents and make your total bill an even $27.00. Let me emphasize that that is an average tip. That means that you weren't necessarily thrilled with the service, but it wasn't terrible and you're leaving feeling full and content with your evening. Anything above %15 is a nice tip for the server. Obviously we all enjoy the generous folk who witness our hard work and reward us for doing so.

I know that the response to posts like these are hit and miss. Some people love it and agree with it, and others strongly oppose it. I know that tipping is a touchy subject, and I know this post will not change anyone's tipping habits. My hope and goal is to open my reader's eyes when it comes to tipping. If you feel that you don't want to tip and eat out anyway, don't come in to a sit-down restaurant. Plain and simple. If you don't want to cook at home and eat a nice meal out, go for it. If you want someone to serve you by bringing you your choice of: beverage, appetizer, meal, and dessert but don't want to leave that "little extra" at the end of the evening, then chose Jack in the Box or Wendy's.

I realize that most who oppose posts like these are those who have never been a server/waiter/waitress themselves. I completely understand how you would be so confused as to why this is an issue. Instead of fighting it, try serving! It always helps an educated person broaden their horizons when they step on the other side of the fence. You never know what you may find.

Thank you for reading, and I hope this has left you with a better understanding of why tipping is important.

-Allison S. Dahl

A Little Bit of Allison: The Ones That Moved

To start off with some exciting news--Lucas got accepted to UNLV and we will be moving down there this July! Eep! I am excited and nervous and sad...all at the same time. This post will give you the inside on all of that. :)

So to add a little background to my emotions, I'll tell you about when I moved for the very first time...when I was six. We were going to be moving to my declared home of Seattle and I was more excited than anything. I got to be the girl that moved. It sounded so cool, and I knew that any new kids to my elementary school would know that I had once been there, but now I had moved. For some reason it was like a badge of honor or something to me. I'm sure that after we moved that summer a few kids might have asked, but the answer as to where I went was most likely not as glorious as I imagined it would be. But when I was six, being that person meant being important, and remembered.

With Lucas and I moving so far away from the place we've established as our own, there comes a sense of sadness that I didn't think would come. I've wanted to leave Idaho since the day we moved back. All of the friends we've made here (and even just the ones I have made) have made me come to enjoy Idaho, and I am now somewhat sad to leave. I must say it's a bittersweet feeling. The days are going by so quickly and I know our moving day will show up out of no where and I will be left wondering where the time went.

On the flip side, I am so excited to move to a big city! Las Vegas is definitely bigger than I used to think it was. We went and found our apartment last week and I was baffled that Las Vegas was more than a few blocks known as the "strip". It was really fun though, and made moving all the more real.

So after we move down to Nevada, Lucas and I will become the ones that moved at our work. There's a new class of servers right now, and I can't help but imagine future conversations. They might be talking with some of the servers we work with now, and perhaps Lucas and I will be brought up or mentioned. The newbies will want to be reminded who the servers are referring to, and that will be our identifier. "Oh you know, the ones that moved". Well, at least I hope it will be. ;)

Now as I'm older, the tagline doesn't seem so glamorous. In fact, it's almost a sad phrase. I know that there are great things in store for us down in Nevada, but I can't help but be a little sad as we leave the things we've built here in Idaho.

Thank you for reading! I have a new blog post coming soon! :)

-Allison S. Dahl