Run From That Past: Mapped Out

Hello Readers! I hope your day has been treating you well :)

When I started this "blog series" idea, I wanted the main title to be something that tied in with what I was doing...which was running. I wanted it to be general enough that I could use it for every post, but meaningful enough that it wasn't just my thoughts while I ran. So I want to explain the main title in this post.

We all have some sort of past. Whether it's a lifestyle we lived, ways we treated other people, or things we did, we all have something that maybe makes us cringe when we think about it. I know I certainly do. There was a point during my pregnancy with Adelé that I got a little fed up with the cringing. I was tired of thinking "what if..." and "I should have..." so I decided to accept my past. I accepted the things I had done and was willing to move on from it, without regretting it so deeply. After I went through placement and all the pain that entailed, I learned that living with my past was only going to hurt me. Yes I had moved on, but I wasn't forgiving myself or truly letting it all go. I would still admit to things to people who didn't need to know about my actions. I don't know if it was because I felt obligated to share, or if I was still holding onto it, but I was still living in those memories. Finally it hit me. In order to move on completely, I needed to forgive myself. It was a challenge that I knew would be extremely difficult, but needed to be done.

As I started my running down here in Vegas, I realized thoughts would come that I hadn't thought about in years. These memories of living in Salt Lake (where Adelé came to be) didn't have the same negative impact they used to. Now, it was as if I was going over lessons I had already learned, and I was grateful to have learned what I did. So that's when this title came about: Run From That Past. We all have one, it's just whether or not we let it haunt us. For me, it's best I just don't think about it. I've accepted it changed me into a better person and I don't need to be that girl ever again. For some people, the reminder helps them avoid repeating mistakes. What ever it may be for you, just know you don't have to hold your mistakes over your head until you die. You can accept them, and forgive yourself. You'll find yourself a much happier person once you do.

I don't run from my past, I run from the version of my past that can harm my present and future. Instead, I run with the version that helps me realize I can achieve anything I want, because if I made it through that, well, then I can make it through anything. :)

Have a lovely couple of weeks!

-A. Dahl