Blog Announcement

So, for those of you who read this on a weekly basis, sorry I've been so lame! I've had a hectic past couple of weeks, and it isn't looking like it'll lighten up any time soon. As a result of that, I won't be able to promise a weekly post anymore. (Not that I've been doing that well with it anyways). So, I will post when I can, and it'll more than likely still be on Sundays...but it won't be quite as consistant as it once was.

Thank you to all of you who read it though, the support is great! Until next time.

-Allison

Week 18: Up

I suppose one could only go up from here.
It seems as though the journey before me is quite clear.
I've fallen deeper and deeper as time has passed,
And now there's no more to fall at last.
There's seems to be hope and light for me now,
And I can honestly say it sort of showed up somehow.
I've been waiting for the day or moment when I'd feel like this.
When my future looked positive and I'd be in a strange bliss.
Now it's finally here, I can finally smile for real.
I didn't think it'd be this easy to heal.

-Allison S. De Arton

A Little Bit of Allison: Decisions

How familiar are you with blogs about life? I'm sure we are all very familiar with reading posts, blogs, statuses, tweets, or headlines about life. Things and ideas that people have come up with that sum up life, or maybe sum up the lessons they've learned. Well, here's one of mine. (I say "one of" because I'm sure there are many more to come.)

Life, in my short 20 years of living, has proven to be all about decisions. Think about it. When you decide to do something, it causes some sort of reaction or consequence that essentially guides the path of your life. The thing is, you don't only make one decision. We're constantly making decisions. These decisions open the doors to make more, and sometimes then we choose another and it closes some doors. It is true that some decisions are larger than others, like who you'll marry or where you'll go to college. But in the end, we look back and either praise or regret decisions we've made. 

I'm young and single, so therefore I haven't made a whole lot of life altering decisions. But I have done enough in my time to know that some decisions I've made were better than others. I think I've embarked upon one of the hardest choices I'll ever make. Lucky for me, I had some divine intervention help me make that choice, so I've already made it...but it hasn't taken place yet. Fortunately, most people aren't faced with the decision I've been put up to. Sorry to say, but I won't disclose what I'm actually talking about. If you're a close friend, then you already know. The point I'm trying to make is that even though this decision, or choice, or action hasn't taken place yet...I'm preparing myself for the aftermath that will follow. Wouldn't that be nice if we could make choices like this in advance? I'm not at all wishing my circumstances on anyone, but as I've come to think about it, I am able to prepare and brace myself for what my consequence will be. I don't think I've ever made a decision before where I could plan it out like this. Often times we make a choice or decision (I wish there were more words with the same definition so I could stop sounding so redundant.)and we don't see the consequence until it happens. I suppose that's where many of life's sayings come from, like "You Only Live Once" or "Eat, Drink, and be Merry", where they encourage making in-the-moment-decisions.

I'm trying not to ramble, so I hope I haven't been. I just wanted to convey that life is built with decisions. The choices we make depict what happens next. I feel that my current life-changing decision may be the only one where I can kind of expect what happens next. But, for all those other choices, may I be somewhat aware of the consequences I'm asking for myself. Onward!

-Allison

A Little Bit Of Allison: Untitled

I couldn't really think of a title for this one, hence the clever name of "Untitled".

Lately I've been thinking a lot, which I have no other choice but to do just that considering my lack of a job. I've thought a lot about pretty much everything in my life, and I've come to a whole slew of conclusions on different things. One thing I guess I want to blog about is something I can't really put one word to. I suppose phrasing it as a question would best describe it. So, have you ever had so much to say to one person, yet you realize you may never get the opportunity to say it all? I feel like I'm in this bind. There is so much I could say, so many cutting words and questions that would definitely open this person's eyes, yet I'll probably never see them again. And it's not like I'm going to make a phone call, so therefore, I'm stuck dwelling with all the perfect things I could say to this person, and they will continue life and go on as if I don't exist.

Isn't that frustrating? If there are any of you who are in the same position, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's like being a boiling kettle, ready to blow. You're just at the right heat that will keep you boiling, but never allow you to release anything. I feel like it's not fair. I feel as though I've been left with this permanent consequence (in reference to my specific situation) and the other person who helped me get here can go about their merry way and not even think about it. It drives me crazy. I wish so badly I could call said person and tell him to meet me somewhere and oh boy, I'd let him have it. Say everything and anything so that he couldn't escape the pain. Then I have to wonder, if that all really happened, would I feel any relief? If I indeed said everything I wanted to say, would I be happy? Could I move on? I don't know. I don't know if it would bring me the satisfaction I always imagine it would.

So instead I guess I'll blog about it, being that's another one of my 'only option' situations. I hope that the saying of what goes around comes around is really true. Not that I'm wishing harm on this person, but more of I'm wishing I'll someday get the happiness he seems to live all too well. One day I suppose, but until then, I'll continue like I've said before. Waiting, hoping, and dreaming of my more beautiful tomorrows.

-Allison

P.O.C.A.

Long ago, I thought of a phrase

I asked a friend if it made sense,

She said no.

Embarrassed that once again,

it was only me who understood

I buckled, and said it came from someone else.

Later on, I thought

It can't be from someone else,

That phrase is mine

So here I am,

Using this phrase

this oh so "embarrassing" line

Bleeding scar, 

Hopeless fate.

There, I've said it. And it works

On this particular date. 

-Allison S. De Arton

Week 17: The Feel

Here I lay, in what feels like my coffin.
My heart still beating, although it's exhausted.
Memories flooding through my mind,
Flashbacks replaying as if to rewind.
Clenching on to what feels like hope,
Even though it's just a blanket helping me cope.
I cringe at each moment, playing relentlessly.
Why can't my mind spare me, and continue contently.
I close my eyes as the tears begin to fall,
Abandoned, I'm left here in despair of it all.
How can you move on and forget everything?
You pretend it didn't happen, that must be your new beginning.
I hope to never see you again,
Because you've left me with nothing, not even a friend.

-Allison S. De Arton

A Little Bit of Allison: Kindness

Alright, I'm kind of a sucker. And the person who inspired this post will probably roll their eyes at me, because to him..it was probably just a simple compliment, but to me, well it resulted in a full on post.

I think today, as a society, we overlook kindness and may even view it as a weakness. The particular form of kindness I want to write about is complimenting someone, or expressing your appreciation for something they've done.

I had an interesting Sunday night which lead to an uneventful Monday. Basically, my whole day was altered because of the events from last night. So, when I received a text from an old friend complimenting things I had written, it really turned everything around. I can guarantee that this friend merely wanted to share that he thought what I had written was good, and nothing more. I bet you he didn't think of the impact it would have. So here I am wondering, how is it that this simple text message made my mediocre Monday an enjoyable one? It really did turn my whole evening around and actually made me smile. That also makes me wonder how we as a people can view kindness as weak when it has so much power over one person? It's interesting to me that through grade school, and I'm sure we all experienced this one way or another, the kid who was the mean one generally had more power over us. The bully was the top kid. Why is that when a simple "you look nice today" can do so much more for a person than pushing them down? I guess the point I'm trying to get at is that a lot of times we might hold back a compliment because we don't want to look like ninnies, but if we only said it, oh what an impact it would have made!

So, I guess after all this rambling, the one thing I want you to gain from this post is that kindness goes much further than we ever give it credit for. That one friend's text tonight made a world of difference in my life, so go ahead and make someone else's night. :)

-Allison