A Little Bit Of Allison: Untitled

I couldn't really think of a title for this one, hence the clever name of "Untitled".

Lately I've been thinking a lot, which I have no other choice but to do just that considering my lack of a job. I've thought a lot about pretty much everything in my life, and I've come to a whole slew of conclusions on different things. One thing I guess I want to blog about is something I can't really put one word to. I suppose phrasing it as a question would best describe it. So, have you ever had so much to say to one person, yet you realize you may never get the opportunity to say it all? I feel like I'm in this bind. There is so much I could say, so many cutting words and questions that would definitely open this person's eyes, yet I'll probably never see them again. And it's not like I'm going to make a phone call, so therefore, I'm stuck dwelling with all the perfect things I could say to this person, and they will continue life and go on as if I don't exist.

Isn't that frustrating? If there are any of you who are in the same position, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's like being a boiling kettle, ready to blow. You're just at the right heat that will keep you boiling, but never allow you to release anything. I feel like it's not fair. I feel as though I've been left with this permanent consequence (in reference to my specific situation) and the other person who helped me get here can go about their merry way and not even think about it. It drives me crazy. I wish so badly I could call said person and tell him to meet me somewhere and oh boy, I'd let him have it. Say everything and anything so that he couldn't escape the pain. Then I have to wonder, if that all really happened, would I feel any relief? If I indeed said everything I wanted to say, would I be happy? Could I move on? I don't know. I don't know if it would bring me the satisfaction I always imagine it would.

So instead I guess I'll blog about it, being that's another one of my 'only option' situations. I hope that the saying of what goes around comes around is really true. Not that I'm wishing harm on this person, but more of I'm wishing I'll someday get the happiness he seems to live all too well. One day I suppose, but until then, I'll continue like I've said before. Waiting, hoping, and dreaming of my more beautiful tomorrows.

-Allison