As many of you know, my husband and I are servers. I think I've mentioned this before, but the restaurant we work at is one of the busiest in our town. I love working there. I definitely owe it a big thanks for guiding me to my best friend/eternal companion. I love our restaurant because the people I've met there have been amazing co-workers and have taught me several life lessons in one way or another.
So, Lucas and I work at a restaurant full time. Big deal, right? A lot of people are in the serving industry. It is a great and ever growing workforce to be a part of. Some people have made it their career and are doing just fine. The money is nice for servers because you get to go home with cash every night. Sometimes you are there for short hours and make some serious cash, and sometimes you are there for long hours and make seriously-depressing cash. Either way, though, we've all seemed to have pulled through one way or another.
The purpose of this post is to educate, not offend.
It appears to be a trend that's slowly catching on to read and share articles that explain tipping. I've seen (and have even been a part of) comment threads where the debate thickened on what appropriate tipping is. The hard thing with this topic is it's so awkward! Money is always so awkward, especially when it comes to shelling it out based on your opinion of the service you received. After a great while of debating on writing this post, I finally decided it was ok to come out and explain why tipping is important, from a server's view.
I will say that this post is directly about servers/waiters/waitresses, so that is the only job code I am talking about. Anyway, depending on the state, an hourly wage for a server is anywhere from $2.00-$15.00. Let's be clear though, only a handful of states pay their servers over $5.00 an hour. In Idaho, the typical hourly pay for a server is $3.35 an hour. The assumption with giving that ridiculously low hourly wage is that you'll make up for it in tips. If you don't, however, the company won't make it up for you. Say you get 'stiffed' (def.-receiving $0.00 for a tip on a check) on every single table you serve for the entire week, you will only be getting the $3.35 for each hour you were clocked in. Period. That's it. Luckily, I have only been 'stiffed' a few select times in my two years of serving, so that hasn't happened to me. Even when we do get tips, we report all of them at the end of our shift to taxes. After taxes are taken out of these so called paychecks, we're lucky if we get more than $10.00 on payday. It may sound like I'm exaggerating, but ask a server you know. It may surprise you how much money we aren't getting.
Now, with that being said, you usually can get pretty good tips if you become a good server. It takes some time, but it comes. Even when I was beginning my serving days, people would tip nicely because they took pity on the new girl. Now I've learned how to connect with my tables and they usually leave a tip between 15%-20% on their check. We servers don't try to give our guests a good time just to squeeze the last dime out of them. At least for me, I like to help my tables enjoy a dining out experience. If that means hanging around and answering their questions, or getting what they want and only showing back up when they're ready to pay, I'm fine with it. I will do the best I can to ensure guest satisfaction. (I'm starting to sound like the handbook. *yack*) Really though, your time is important to us servers. We know you've selected our restaurant and we do what we can to keep you coming back.
I can't tell you how excited I am to live in Nevada and not be confronted with the ever-looming issue of serving people I know who don't know how to tip. I once read a comment on a debate thread where the gentleman said: "You shouldn't complain because you chose to work there. If people don't want to tip you, it's probably because you did a bad job, and you chose to make that your income." He is correct in the fact that we did indeed choose to work there. My husband and I felt secure in making people's generosity our main source of surviving. We made that decision confidently, because as I said before, most of the time people tip well. If I could personally respond to said gentleman, I would tell him that yes, I did choose this job. Guess what, though? I went to school for a specified profession and came to find (after I finished it) that I make a lot more money as a server than I would have if I worked in that field. As frustrating as that was to find out, it was more frustrating to realize a job I walked into was going to be more supportive than one I worked to obtain. And while there are times that my service isn't excellent, that table chose to eat out. Here in Idaho, and even the whole country itself, it's expected to leave gratuity. The industry wouldn't function the way it does if tipping wasn't an expectation. So, yes sir, you are correct, but you may want to dine at McDonald's more often if that is how you feel about tipping. They don't expect you to tip at all! Try it out for size.
Sometimes we'll have a table where they do indeed leave a tip, but it's insulting with how low it is. A %15 tip is standard, and an average tip. That means that if your bill was $23.50, an average tip would be $3.52. You could even round down two cents and make your total bill an even $27.00. Let me emphasize that that is an average tip. That means that you weren't necessarily thrilled with the service, but it wasn't terrible and you're leaving feeling full and content with your evening. Anything above %15 is a nice tip for the server. Obviously we all enjoy the generous folk who witness our hard work and reward us for doing so.
I know that the response to posts like these are hit and miss. Some people love it and agree with it, and others strongly oppose it. I know that tipping is a touchy subject, and I know this post will not change anyone's tipping habits. My hope and goal is to open my reader's eyes when it comes to tipping. If you feel that you don't want to tip and eat out anyway, don't come in to a sit-down restaurant. Plain and simple. If you don't want to cook at home and eat a nice meal out, go for it. If you want someone to serve you by bringing you your choice of: beverage, appetizer, meal, and dessert but don't want to leave that "little extra" at the end of the evening, then chose Jack in the Box or Wendy's.
I realize that most who oppose posts like these are those who have never been a server/waiter/waitress themselves. I completely understand how you would be so confused as to why this is an issue. Instead of fighting it, try serving! It always helps an educated person broaden their horizons when they step on the other side of the fence. You never know what you may find.
Thank you for reading, and I hope this has left you with a better understanding of why tipping is important.
-Allison S. Dahl
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
A Little Bit of Allison: The Ones That Moved
To start off with some exciting news--Lucas got accepted to UNLV and we will be moving down there this July! Eep! I am excited and nervous and sad...all at the same time. This post will give you the inside on all of that. :)
So to add a little background to my emotions, I'll tell you about when I moved for the very first time...when I was six. We were going to be moving to my declared home of Seattle and I was more excited than anything. I got to be the girl that moved. It sounded so cool, and I knew that any new kids to my elementary school would know that I had once been there, but now I had moved. For some reason it was like a badge of honor or something to me. I'm sure that after we moved that summer a few kids might have asked, but the answer as to where I went was most likely not as glorious as I imagined it would be. But when I was six, being that person meant being important, and remembered.
With Lucas and I moving so far away from the place we've established as our own, there comes a sense of sadness that I didn't think would come. I've wanted to leave Idaho since the day we moved back. All of the friends we've made here (and even just the ones I have made) have made me come to enjoy Idaho, and I am now somewhat sad to leave. I must say it's a bittersweet feeling. The days are going by so quickly and I know our moving day will show up out of no where and I will be left wondering where the time went.
On the flip side, I am so excited to move to a big city! Las Vegas is definitely bigger than I used to think it was. We went and found our apartment last week and I was baffled that Las Vegas was more than a few blocks known as the "strip". It was really fun though, and made moving all the more real.
So after we move down to Nevada, Lucas and I will become the ones that moved at our work. There's a new class of servers right now, and I can't help but imagine future conversations. They might be talking with some of the servers we work with now, and perhaps Lucas and I will be brought up or mentioned. The newbies will want to be reminded who the servers are referring to, and that will be our identifier. "Oh you know, the ones that moved". Well, at least I hope it will be. ;)
Now as I'm older, the tagline doesn't seem so glamorous. In fact, it's almost a sad phrase. I know that there are great things in store for us down in Nevada, but I can't help but be a little sad as we leave the things we've built here in Idaho.
Thank you for reading! I have a new blog post coming soon! :)
-Allison S. Dahl
So to add a little background to my emotions, I'll tell you about when I moved for the very first time...when I was six. We were going to be moving to my declared home of Seattle and I was more excited than anything. I got to be the girl that moved. It sounded so cool, and I knew that any new kids to my elementary school would know that I had once been there, but now I had moved. For some reason it was like a badge of honor or something to me. I'm sure that after we moved that summer a few kids might have asked, but the answer as to where I went was most likely not as glorious as I imagined it would be. But when I was six, being that person meant being important, and remembered.
With Lucas and I moving so far away from the place we've established as our own, there comes a sense of sadness that I didn't think would come. I've wanted to leave Idaho since the day we moved back. All of the friends we've made here (and even just the ones I have made) have made me come to enjoy Idaho, and I am now somewhat sad to leave. I must say it's a bittersweet feeling. The days are going by so quickly and I know our moving day will show up out of no where and I will be left wondering where the time went.
On the flip side, I am so excited to move to a big city! Las Vegas is definitely bigger than I used to think it was. We went and found our apartment last week and I was baffled that Las Vegas was more than a few blocks known as the "strip". It was really fun though, and made moving all the more real.
So after we move down to Nevada, Lucas and I will become the ones that moved at our work. There's a new class of servers right now, and I can't help but imagine future conversations. They might be talking with some of the servers we work with now, and perhaps Lucas and I will be brought up or mentioned. The newbies will want to be reminded who the servers are referring to, and that will be our identifier. "Oh you know, the ones that moved". Well, at least I hope it will be. ;)
Now as I'm older, the tagline doesn't seem so glamorous. In fact, it's almost a sad phrase. I know that there are great things in store for us down in Nevada, but I can't help but be a little sad as we leave the things we've built here in Idaho.
Thank you for reading! I have a new blog post coming soon! :)
-Allison S. Dahl
Saturday, April 25, 2015
A Little Bit of Allison: Thoughts
Hello fellow readers! I am oh so sorry that I haven't posted in a while. Life continues to run through my fingers like sand. Every time I look at the date, it amazes me how fast a simple 30 days has flown by.
Well, the purpose of this post isn't defined. I guess it's just about a few thoughts I've been having over the last few weeks (hence the title...) and I thought I would share.
Lucas and I will often have free time in which we can just sit down and talk. It's so nice, I love being able to talk with him about anything and everything. We think more similarly than I would have guessed a year ago. I also enjoy these conversations because it gives us both a chance to get to know each other on levels that only these talks would allow.
Recently, one of these discussions was about religion. Lucas and I talk about church a lot, but every now and then we talk more deeply about specific principles. The principle we talked about is how our faith teaches different things than many other faiths. He got me thinking about why it is I believe what I do, and why it's so important to me. We talked about how often times there are several religions/groups that can point out bible stories and verses, pull up historic evidence, and even display "proof" that our religion is false. Lucas said that on his mission he was really good at getting into these debates, and consequently really good at defending the LDS church. Then he said that after a while, he realized the debates were fruitless. It made me realize that fighting about which church is right and trying to prove the other wrong is opposite of basically any religious teachings. Any bible or book you read that states it has the teachings of God will always somewhere say that God is loving and happy, and the devil is hateful and miserable. Isn't trying to prove others wrong hateful? Doesn't it make you miserable when all you want to do is prove yourself right? It's a never ending battle when that's the fight you want to embark on. With that being said, it's always hard to back down (at least for me) when someone insults the very things and teachings I grew up with. When someone says that my religion is false and made up, it angers me and makes me want to point out ways that their religion is wrong. I suppose anyone would feel that way if the one thing that picked you up from your broken life was being mocked and disrespected so publicly.
As I thought more about it, I also realized that instead of being angry about people constantly posting things on Facebook, saying things, or doing things that offend my church, I should stand up for it in a positive way. I don't have to point out the flaws of their particular religion. I don't need to look up bible verses to prove my point. I don't need to explain historical facts that show error in their theories. All I need is my own testimony and that of my husband's. "To fight and defend" doesn't have to mean take down the enemy, it can mean strengthen your own ground. Fortify your own foundation. Making others look weak and shooting them down only weakens yourself.
With all that being said, I will share my testimony on here. I believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I believe that Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are three separate beings, each with a common goal. I believe that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of God, and I sustain him and his counselors. I sustain all of the leaders of our church; locally and worldwide. I believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and in The Book of Mormon, and the happiness it has brought to me. I testify of the Atonement and it's saving power. I know that Christ lived a perfect life and died to save not only me, but every soul in existence. His pain and agony in Gethsemane made it so I can return to live with my Heavenly Father, and I know He can completely understand anything and everything I go through. I know that Heavenly Father loves me more than I can possibly understand. I know that my Savior loves me and knows me more than I know myself. I know the Holy Ghost provides me with the comfort I need to live this life and return to my Heavenly Father. I believe in our temples and the eternal ordinances they provide. I believe in eternal families and know that Lucas and I will be together literally forever, even after we pass on. I believe in The Plan of Salvation and the joy it brings to my soul. I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I am so grateful for the peace and joy They bring to me. I love the companionship of the Holy Ghost and the guidance provided. I love being a "Mormon". I love belonging to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am ever so grateful for the sacrifices made by Joseph Smith so that the true gospel could be restored. I love being loved by my creator. I know these things are true.
I know that this testimony isn't earth shattering, but it is ever growing. Each day I strive to be a better person, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. I know I have many weaknesses, but I have a life time to make them strengths.
Even though many disagree with me, that doesn't mean I hate them or avoid them. I have several friends who don't share the same beliefs with me, and that is perfectly ok! I love learning new things about their points of view. If it comes down to it, we can still be friends and do fun things without trying to change the other's views.
I suppose this post turned into a longer one than I had planned. Well, I hope it was uplifting either way. As I said, I like having friends and even family of other beliefs, and I enjoy their company as much as any other. So I hope this post didn't come off as saying otherwise.
Thank you for reading, as always. I appreciate the view count...each and every one! :)
-Allison S. Dahl
Well, the purpose of this post isn't defined. I guess it's just about a few thoughts I've been having over the last few weeks (hence the title...) and I thought I would share.
Lucas and I will often have free time in which we can just sit down and talk. It's so nice, I love being able to talk with him about anything and everything. We think more similarly than I would have guessed a year ago. I also enjoy these conversations because it gives us both a chance to get to know each other on levels that only these talks would allow.
Recently, one of these discussions was about religion. Lucas and I talk about church a lot, but every now and then we talk more deeply about specific principles. The principle we talked about is how our faith teaches different things than many other faiths. He got me thinking about why it is I believe what I do, and why it's so important to me. We talked about how often times there are several religions/groups that can point out bible stories and verses, pull up historic evidence, and even display "proof" that our religion is false. Lucas said that on his mission he was really good at getting into these debates, and consequently really good at defending the LDS church. Then he said that after a while, he realized the debates were fruitless. It made me realize that fighting about which church is right and trying to prove the other wrong is opposite of basically any religious teachings. Any bible or book you read that states it has the teachings of God will always somewhere say that God is loving and happy, and the devil is hateful and miserable. Isn't trying to prove others wrong hateful? Doesn't it make you miserable when all you want to do is prove yourself right? It's a never ending battle when that's the fight you want to embark on. With that being said, it's always hard to back down (at least for me) when someone insults the very things and teachings I grew up with. When someone says that my religion is false and made up, it angers me and makes me want to point out ways that their religion is wrong. I suppose anyone would feel that way if the one thing that picked you up from your broken life was being mocked and disrespected so publicly.
As I thought more about it, I also realized that instead of being angry about people constantly posting things on Facebook, saying things, or doing things that offend my church, I should stand up for it in a positive way. I don't have to point out the flaws of their particular religion. I don't need to look up bible verses to prove my point. I don't need to explain historical facts that show error in their theories. All I need is my own testimony and that of my husband's. "To fight and defend" doesn't have to mean take down the enemy, it can mean strengthen your own ground. Fortify your own foundation. Making others look weak and shooting them down only weakens yourself.
With all that being said, I will share my testimony on here. I believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I believe that Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are three separate beings, each with a common goal. I believe that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of God, and I sustain him and his counselors. I sustain all of the leaders of our church; locally and worldwide. I believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and in The Book of Mormon, and the happiness it has brought to me. I testify of the Atonement and it's saving power. I know that Christ lived a perfect life and died to save not only me, but every soul in existence. His pain and agony in Gethsemane made it so I can return to live with my Heavenly Father, and I know He can completely understand anything and everything I go through. I know that Heavenly Father loves me more than I can possibly understand. I know that my Savior loves me and knows me more than I know myself. I know the Holy Ghost provides me with the comfort I need to live this life and return to my Heavenly Father. I believe in our temples and the eternal ordinances they provide. I believe in eternal families and know that Lucas and I will be together literally forever, even after we pass on. I believe in The Plan of Salvation and the joy it brings to my soul. I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I am so grateful for the peace and joy They bring to me. I love the companionship of the Holy Ghost and the guidance provided. I love being a "Mormon". I love belonging to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am ever so grateful for the sacrifices made by Joseph Smith so that the true gospel could be restored. I love being loved by my creator. I know these things are true.
I know that this testimony isn't earth shattering, but it is ever growing. Each day I strive to be a better person, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. I know I have many weaknesses, but I have a life time to make them strengths.
Even though many disagree with me, that doesn't mean I hate them or avoid them. I have several friends who don't share the same beliefs with me, and that is perfectly ok! I love learning new things about their points of view. If it comes down to it, we can still be friends and do fun things without trying to change the other's views.
I suppose this post turned into a longer one than I had planned. Well, I hope it was uplifting either way. As I said, I like having friends and even family of other beliefs, and I enjoy their company as much as any other. So I hope this post didn't come off as saying otherwise.
Thank you for reading, as always. I appreciate the view count...each and every one! :)
-Allison S. Dahl
Monday, March 2, 2015
Through Thick and Thin
I'm sorry it has been a while since my last post. Times have been pretty busy since Lucas and I sealed the deal. It's already been almost six months since we got married! Oh my! Life is fantastic, we are doing great, and we are excited for what our future holds.
As much as I'd like to gush on about Lucas, my purposes for this post are (shockingly) not about him. He is amazing, though, don't get that confused. I just decided that I wanted to post about a different choice friend of mine.
Ok, first off, let me just tell you about this picture. I am quite impressed we were able to get a photo with serious faces. If you know Erin and I, we are always laughing and joking around. The fact we were able to keep a straight face long enough for the camera to click is actually an accomplishment. I think we should've gotten an award, but whatever.
Anyway, I'm sure I've mentioned Erin a time or two on this blog, but I am going to do it again. Erin and I go pretty far back and one thing has always stood true since we became friends. We've always been there for each other. Now, there were spaces of time when we wouldn't see each other, or we'd both be busy with other things, but when times fell apart, the other was always there to help put things back together. One major example of that was when I was going through my pregnancy with Adelé. Erin never bailed on me. She would hang out with me, watch me eat more than enough food to feed a small country, and cry with me when I felt I needed to just break down. Erin would even let me boob over the same story time and time again, and act as though it was the first time she'd heard that break down. She was never wavering in being a friend to me, even when I'm sure it was difficult.
Well, my life did get better. The adoption process turned out very well and I grew to love the family that I made my own, I was able to finish all the course work in a difficult schooling program, and I married the man of my dreams that I didn't think existed. But that's the thing, even during my victories, Erin was still there. I know sometimes when we feel like we don't need a friend because life is going well, it's easy to push people aside. Or maybe it's easier to not be friends with someone when things start going well for them. Nonetheless, Erin listened to my fears and excitements before I made my most life changing decision.
I've always hoped that I can be the same for Erin. As the years of our friendships have grown, and our lives have taken many different turns and paths, I'm happy to see that we can still joke about my cat. I don't why that never fails, but it's always nice to laugh. We can still pick up right where we left off even if it's been a few months since we talked last. We can still share our fears, and try to help when the other is in need. I have a few 'best friends' and I am grateful that Erin is, and always has been, one of them.
Thanks for reading!
-Allison S. Dahl
As much as I'd like to gush on about Lucas, my purposes for this post are (shockingly) not about him. He is amazing, though, don't get that confused. I just decided that I wanted to post about a different choice friend of mine.
Ok, first off, let me just tell you about this picture. I am quite impressed we were able to get a photo with serious faces. If you know Erin and I, we are always laughing and joking around. The fact we were able to keep a straight face long enough for the camera to click is actually an accomplishment. I think we should've gotten an award, but whatever.
Anyway, I'm sure I've mentioned Erin a time or two on this blog, but I am going to do it again. Erin and I go pretty far back and one thing has always stood true since we became friends. We've always been there for each other. Now, there were spaces of time when we wouldn't see each other, or we'd both be busy with other things, but when times fell apart, the other was always there to help put things back together. One major example of that was when I was going through my pregnancy with Adelé. Erin never bailed on me. She would hang out with me, watch me eat more than enough food to feed a small country, and cry with me when I felt I needed to just break down. Erin would even let me boob over the same story time and time again, and act as though it was the first time she'd heard that break down. She was never wavering in being a friend to me, even when I'm sure it was difficult.
Well, my life did get better. The adoption process turned out very well and I grew to love the family that I made my own, I was able to finish all the course work in a difficult schooling program, and I married the man of my dreams that I didn't think existed. But that's the thing, even during my victories, Erin was still there. I know sometimes when we feel like we don't need a friend because life is going well, it's easy to push people aside. Or maybe it's easier to not be friends with someone when things start going well for them. Nonetheless, Erin listened to my fears and excitements before I made my most life changing decision.
I've always hoped that I can be the same for Erin. As the years of our friendships have grown, and our lives have taken many different turns and paths, I'm happy to see that we can still joke about my cat. I don't why that never fails, but it's always nice to laugh. We can still pick up right where we left off even if it's been a few months since we talked last. We can still share our fears, and try to help when the other is in need. I have a few 'best friends' and I am grateful that Erin is, and always has been, one of them.
Thanks for reading!
-Allison S. Dahl
Friday, August 15, 2014
A Blow of Defeat, and A Whisper of Victory
It has come to my attention that I have more of an audience than I would have ever thought myself to have. For those of you who actually pay attention to particular posts on my blog, you'll notice that a few have been omitted. Now, I did not delete these posts because I was requested to by those that were offended by them. I don't delete anything because someone tells me to. I decided to delete a couple of posts because I wanted to let go of the toxic stories they shared.
If you don't know me well, you could assume I'm some crazy girl who likes to hide behind URLs and computer screens to send out my insults. And you would be correct. If you do know me well, you know that I vent through my blog and am usually over a situation after I've ranted about it. I've found that this often gets me in trouble and I should probably keep my ranting sessions limited to my journal where no one will read them.
For all those who have been offended by whatever I have posted, whether it be directly or indirectly offensive, I am sorry. Really, I am. I am usually a confident person, but when it comes to standing up for myself, I am just that petty girl hiding behind those URLs and computer screens.
A few months back, I found myself in a situation where I felt I couldn't have even my own back. I still don't recall why this situation arose, but for whatever reason, there were (and still are) a select few who didn't like my existence. I decided to post a blog about the situation and all but discretely talk about who it was and what happened. Well, that post is now deleted and I am going to do my best to forget about the situation and avoid whatever conflict I can.
The purpose of this post is to admit my defeat and move on from whatever conflict his blog has caused. I honestly used to think that no one would really take the time to read my posts, and so my venting was merely just a release. Well, I wish I was right.
Through these past few months I've learned that if you don't stand up for yourself, no one will. Don't ever assume anyone's allegiance belongs with you, and don't feel betrayed when people choose the more popular crowd over being your friend. Life will always happen, and even when you think it has settled down and things have moved on, chances are, something will come back up. The good thing I've learned is that one day everyone finds that one friend that is their companion for the rest of this life and the rest of forever. I am oh so very lucky to have mine, and I'm glad it's Lucas.
So, once again, if one of my tangents has offended you in one way or another, I am sorry. If you still want to hold it against me, that's your call, but no longer my problem. I can honestly say I don't have a grudge against anyone. Thank you to those who have supported me all along the way and have stayed my friend through the thick and thin. If you enjoyed reading my rants, I'm sorry, but my blog will no longer interest you. I'm still deciding what to post on here, but rants and tangents will not be among the selected.
-Allison Susanne De Arton
If you don't know me well, you could assume I'm some crazy girl who likes to hide behind URLs and computer screens to send out my insults. And you would be correct. If you do know me well, you know that I vent through my blog and am usually over a situation after I've ranted about it. I've found that this often gets me in trouble and I should probably keep my ranting sessions limited to my journal where no one will read them.
For all those who have been offended by whatever I have posted, whether it be directly or indirectly offensive, I am sorry. Really, I am. I am usually a confident person, but when it comes to standing up for myself, I am just that petty girl hiding behind those URLs and computer screens.
A few months back, I found myself in a situation where I felt I couldn't have even my own back. I still don't recall why this situation arose, but for whatever reason, there were (and still are) a select few who didn't like my existence. I decided to post a blog about the situation and all but discretely talk about who it was and what happened. Well, that post is now deleted and I am going to do my best to forget about the situation and avoid whatever conflict I can.
The purpose of this post is to admit my defeat and move on from whatever conflict his blog has caused. I honestly used to think that no one would really take the time to read my posts, and so my venting was merely just a release. Well, I wish I was right.
Through these past few months I've learned that if you don't stand up for yourself, no one will. Don't ever assume anyone's allegiance belongs with you, and don't feel betrayed when people choose the more popular crowd over being your friend. Life will always happen, and even when you think it has settled down and things have moved on, chances are, something will come back up. The good thing I've learned is that one day everyone finds that one friend that is their companion for the rest of this life and the rest of forever. I am oh so very lucky to have mine, and I'm glad it's Lucas.
So, once again, if one of my tangents has offended you in one way or another, I am sorry. If you still want to hold it against me, that's your call, but no longer my problem. I can honestly say I don't have a grudge against anyone. Thank you to those who have supported me all along the way and have stayed my friend through the thick and thin. If you enjoyed reading my rants, I'm sorry, but my blog will no longer interest you. I'm still deciding what to post on here, but rants and tangents will not be among the selected.
-Allison Susanne De Arton
Sunday, July 27, 2014
A Little Bit of Allison: Little Bug
I don't think I can emphasize enough how much my life is changing, so that's why I keep mentioning it. It's crazy watching things fall in and out of place as Lucas and I take these steps together. I don't think I'll ever understand why some things have panned out the way they have, but such is life.
Today I would like to post about my dear, sweet Adelé. Time continues to pass, and she continues to grow. (She's walking now!) She has so much sass and attitude, it's pretty funny. I have no idea where she got that from ;)
One thing I have always missed about Adelé is being able to talk to her on a regular, frequent basis. I remember after the adoption and after a break up I went through, all I wanted to do was load her up in her carseat and drive around with her and tell her everything. I even drove around late some nights and pretended she was there, and rehearsed everything I would be saying to her if she were really in the car. I know babies can't always give responses, heck even toddlers can't, but just being able to talk to her about my life was something I always felt a large void of.
Now that I'm getting married in the temple, and to the man of my dreams, I want to tell Adelé about all the changes I've made in my life. Yeah, I still have my flaws. I still have a hard time biting my tongue and thinking before I post (haha, see what I did there?), and I still make mistakes, but I am oh so different than I was when I was pregnant with her.
I love that my bitter pregnancy didn't wear off on her. Instead, she inherited my sassy, bubbly, love-of-life perspective, and I can already see that in her.
If there were one thing I could tell my little Bug, I would tell her of the sacrifice I made to give her a better life. Not to make her feel bad, or to think I am a great person, but to make her see how much I really do love her. Sometimes I feel regret for replacing her with Lucas. I feel like I've abandoned her by letting go of her as my daughter. Then I am reminded that I didn't "let her go", and I didn't "replace" her. I have given her a chance to move on from a life that would bring her heartache. I have given myself a chance to let go of the memories of the dark nights and bitter mornings.
About a month or so ago, I actually contacted Adelé's birth father, Chris. He's engaged now and has most definitely moved on, as have I. I asked him what he would like me to tell her when she got older. His response was simple, that he didn't mind because I was the one who decided to keep it open. At first my heart broke to hear this. How could he still be so careless towards this beautiful girl I cherished in my heart? How could anyone be so cold? Then, after a few weeks, I realized he was right. It was my choice. I am the one who agreed to keep things open for Adelé, so I am the one who will have to step up to the plate and answer the questions when the time comes. Chris said from the very beginning, before she was even 8 weeks along, that he didn't want to be a part of this. And he had every right to feel that way. So, instead of retaliating and saying something defensive, I wished him the best. I really do want a good life for him, but I don't care to know anything of it.
Will all of that being said, I bring it up because I wanted, more than anything, to tell Adelé of my new discovery. I wanted to tell her that I don't hate Chris anymore, and I wanted to tell her all about what happened with us.
One day, when Adelé comes to me and asks to know the past, I won't tell her harsh words about her birth father. I won't tell her the pain I went through during a lonely pregnancy, and I won't mention the bitter times and feelings I had towards Chris. I will tell her the times we shared where we really were happy. I will tell her of the summer when I was lost. I will tell her how it took me two years to finally come to the realization that everything happened just the way it was supposed to. I wish I could tell her that now, but she wouldn't quite understand what I was saying. What I do love about my relationship with Adelé is that I know she knows who I am. She is aware that there is a bond between us that you can't put words to. In the quiet moments where we are spending time together, she will smile and look me in the eye, and it's for that brief moment that I know she loves me and knows who I am. I know one day she may struggle with understanding. One day she may ask so many questions and she may not feel my love for her. But I also know that that same day I will have answers. I won't shrug my shoulders. I won't shut her out. I will tell her everything, and I will not omit a single detail.
I still love and miss Little Bug dearly, but I know that as time goes on, so will life, and it won't always be hard. I know happier times are awaiting (38 days!) and I know Heavenly Father will keep me in mind since I have done what He wanted.
Thank you for reading!
-Allison Susanne De Arton
Today I would like to post about my dear, sweet Adelé. Time continues to pass, and she continues to grow. (She's walking now!) She has so much sass and attitude, it's pretty funny. I have no idea where she got that from ;)
One thing I have always missed about Adelé is being able to talk to her on a regular, frequent basis. I remember after the adoption and after a break up I went through, all I wanted to do was load her up in her carseat and drive around with her and tell her everything. I even drove around late some nights and pretended she was there, and rehearsed everything I would be saying to her if she were really in the car. I know babies can't always give responses, heck even toddlers can't, but just being able to talk to her about my life was something I always felt a large void of.
Now that I'm getting married in the temple, and to the man of my dreams, I want to tell Adelé about all the changes I've made in my life. Yeah, I still have my flaws. I still have a hard time biting my tongue and thinking before I post (haha, see what I did there?), and I still make mistakes, but I am oh so different than I was when I was pregnant with her.
I love that my bitter pregnancy didn't wear off on her. Instead, she inherited my sassy, bubbly, love-of-life perspective, and I can already see that in her.
If there were one thing I could tell my little Bug, I would tell her of the sacrifice I made to give her a better life. Not to make her feel bad, or to think I am a great person, but to make her see how much I really do love her. Sometimes I feel regret for replacing her with Lucas. I feel like I've abandoned her by letting go of her as my daughter. Then I am reminded that I didn't "let her go", and I didn't "replace" her. I have given her a chance to move on from a life that would bring her heartache. I have given myself a chance to let go of the memories of the dark nights and bitter mornings.
About a month or so ago, I actually contacted Adelé's birth father, Chris. He's engaged now and has most definitely moved on, as have I. I asked him what he would like me to tell her when she got older. His response was simple, that he didn't mind because I was the one who decided to keep it open. At first my heart broke to hear this. How could he still be so careless towards this beautiful girl I cherished in my heart? How could anyone be so cold? Then, after a few weeks, I realized he was right. It was my choice. I am the one who agreed to keep things open for Adelé, so I am the one who will have to step up to the plate and answer the questions when the time comes. Chris said from the very beginning, before she was even 8 weeks along, that he didn't want to be a part of this. And he had every right to feel that way. So, instead of retaliating and saying something defensive, I wished him the best. I really do want a good life for him, but I don't care to know anything of it.
Will all of that being said, I bring it up because I wanted, more than anything, to tell Adelé of my new discovery. I wanted to tell her that I don't hate Chris anymore, and I wanted to tell her all about what happened with us.
One day, when Adelé comes to me and asks to know the past, I won't tell her harsh words about her birth father. I won't tell her the pain I went through during a lonely pregnancy, and I won't mention the bitter times and feelings I had towards Chris. I will tell her the times we shared where we really were happy. I will tell her of the summer when I was lost. I will tell her how it took me two years to finally come to the realization that everything happened just the way it was supposed to. I wish I could tell her that now, but she wouldn't quite understand what I was saying. What I do love about my relationship with Adelé is that I know she knows who I am. She is aware that there is a bond between us that you can't put words to. In the quiet moments where we are spending time together, she will smile and look me in the eye, and it's for that brief moment that I know she loves me and knows who I am. I know one day she may struggle with understanding. One day she may ask so many questions and she may not feel my love for her. But I also know that that same day I will have answers. I won't shrug my shoulders. I won't shut her out. I will tell her everything, and I will not omit a single detail.
I still love and miss Little Bug dearly, but I know that as time goes on, so will life, and it won't always be hard. I know happier times are awaiting (38 days!) and I know Heavenly Father will keep me in mind since I have done what He wanted.
Thank you for reading!
-Allison Susanne De Arton
Monday, July 21, 2014
A Little Bit of Allison: I Guess it's That Time
Time is moving quickly, only a month and a half until the wedding! Yikes! I feel like there's so much to do, yet pretty much everything is already done. I'm so thrilled to not have to say goodnight anymore...that's probably what I'm looking forward to most. Oh and making Luke breakfast while he's still sleeping. I'll bet this new domesticated version of myself will only last a few months. Who's ready to place bets ;)
Ok, so being engaged has been awesome. I love planning out my eternity with my best friend. One thing that engagement does is it gives you a wake up call...everyday. Each minute that ticks by brings me closer to starting my life with my eternal companion, which brings us closer to realizing life is changing.
I've been single for 21 years according to Social Security. Yeah I've had boyfriends and serious relationships, but I've never been engaged. I've never said yes to a man asking me to be his wife until June 3rd. Now that Lucas put a ring on it, I need to do some serious re-evaluating on my life! For a long time I honestly thought I'd die single. I had it all planned out: I was going to move to Germany, buy 20 cats, and live happily being the American girl down the street with multiplying cats. That was fine with me. Yeah, I didn't really want that, but I was convinced my past had given me that future. Well. Lucas had other plans.
If you've read my blog, you've read our story. One detail I left out is how quickly I fell in love with Luke. Something was different about hanging out with him. Other boys I have been with have been nice and fun, but I always knew the moments would end. I would always tell them to wish to 'make this moment last forever' because deep down I knew none of them would last. With Luke, I didn't have that worry. I didn't waste my time wishing for it to last forever, because I knew it would. Saying goodnight is more of an annoyance instead of a tragedy. It's so comforting to know Lucas is mine forever, and not having to wish for it.
With all of that, there also comes a price to pay. I didn't really understand this until now, but being single and being engaged/married are two very different life styles. My friends are about 50/50. Half are married, and the other half are single. Here I am in between and in awe at how different the two are. I promised myself that I would still keep my friendships with my single friends because I know the feeling of being bailed on. It's a hard promise to keep. When I'm with Lucas, he's all I want to think about. When I'm not with him, he's all I want to think about. Trying to fit in anything else in my brain is next to impossible. It's sad because I expect people to make time for me, and I usually am pretty good at making time for them, but all I really want is to be with Lucas.
I didn't notice there was much of a problem until I recently noticed that I've stolen Lucas from his previous life. He doesn't hang out with his friends anymore, he doesn't go to lunch with them, and he sees his family when I'm working or we are there together. At first, I was really bothered by this. I felt like I was taking over Lucas's life by consuming all of his free time. I felt like that crazy fiancé that all of his friends hate because I don't want him talking to his exes, or even to the girls that hurt him. I felt like I was burning bridges for him, all the while he was watching them burn. I honestly didn't like myself for that. When Luke and I first started dating, I let him go to lunch with other girls that were close to him. I wanted him to hang out with his high school chums, and I wanted to have things stay that way. As we grew closer and more serious, I realized things couldn't stay that way. I stopped talking to guys that I was friends with, and he stopped talking to the girls he was friends with. It had nothing to do with whether or not we liked them, it had everything to do with the fact we found it less intriguing. We still love our friends dearly and want to remain friends with them, we just hang out with each other more right now...and I suppose that's ok.
I'm still struggling with the concept of making Lucas my other half. It's hard to let someone in that much and count on them to pick up where I lack. Yeah the idea of marriage and engagement is rainbows and butterflies, but the reality is so much more than that. It's a lot of work to let someone become your better half. I wouldn't pick anyone else to do this challenge with, and I'm so happy he picked me too.
As far as our friends go, I'm still trying to learn the balance. Honestly I'm a social person, so I love having new friends and keeping the ones I've already made. I guess the real lesson is learning that what Lucas wants is most important to me, and I will always do that first. Then I can fit everyone else in. It sounds simple, but it's not. The bonus part is, though, I have eternity to figure out how to do it right.
-Allison Susanne De Arton
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