Long Time, No Read

Hello abandoned (once again) blog! I'm sorry to those of you who actually read my posts that I left for a while. In my defense, I did say that I was going to be off the blogging world for a bit. This isn't to say I'm necessarily returning so to speak, but just giving you all an update.

Well,  May 25th, 2016, I discovered I was pregnant! Lucas was out walking our dog we used to have, and when he came back in I told him the news with a onsie that said "I love my daddy". I was pretty nervous and just wanted the first 13 weeks to pass so I could know we would have a healthy baby. Even so, we were both excited for the long awaited news. The pregnancy went very well, even though the first trimester consisted of me throwing up daily and always feeling nauseated. On September 6th, 2016 we found out our bundle of joy would be a girl! I was definitely surprised because I was certain she was a boy. This pregnancy was vastly different than my first, so I thought the only explanation was a different gender. After a few months of growing what felt like a miniature planet in my stomach, McCartney Lyn was finally born on January 31st, 2017. Oh man was she beautiful! She still is, but that moment I first saw her is one I will never forget. And let me just tell you, seeing Lucas's expression when he saw McCartney for the first time made me cry. How lucky I am to have this wonderful man by my side as we bring up this beautiful girl we've been blessed with.

I'm assuming most of you have read my adoption story, (which if you're still following my blog--props to you) so I wanted to share how vastly different my second go around at being pregnant was. To state the obvious, my circumstances were pretty opposite from the first time. I had a loving husband, a baby was something we both wanted, and we put our trust in God that we would have a child at the right time. Those three things alone gave me the best nine months of my life. Lucas is so amazing, you guys. Like, you have no idea unless you've met him personally. He was literally at my beckon call any time I felt sick or uneasy. He put my socks on and tied my shoes for the last three months since reaching my feet was pretty challenging. He'd get me a glass of water after every time I ran to the bathroom to throw up. He made me lunches and brought them to my work, always consisting of things I had requested that morning. He massaged my feet if I asked him to, and he even sat down and did the online baby registry with me. Now, these things might sound standard or not really that big of a deal, but to me they were huge. I appreciated so much how Lucas took care of me and our soon-to-be baby. I think if I hadn't gone through the heart wrenching process of placing a baby by myself, I most definitely would not appreciate Lucas and his efforts as much as I did. He is such a stand up guy, though, so I'd be pretty pathetic not to appreciate him either way. ;)

Another thing that going through my first pregnancy taught me was not to complain. Ok, yes I did get pretty antsy the last few weeks of my pregnancy and wanted to just hold my stinking baby already, but in the first few months--I was grateful. I didn't mind losing my stomach constantly. I was ok feeling nauseous all of the time. I knew it was worth it, and that being pregnant is such a beautiful thing that should not be taken for granted. I thanked Heavenly Father in each of my prayers for blessing us with this opportunity. I know many women will tell you being pregnant is the worst and it is miserable, but I am not one of those. Yes, there are many uncomfortable nights and days. There are times you just cry because false labor tricked you again. But I would not trade it for anything. And holding your precious baby for the first time is something I could never put words to. Plus, seeing the man who helped you through it all sit and gaze upon his new little daughter is simply bliss. It truly is a miracle and such a wonderful experience.

I feel like I owe my experience of being single and pregnant a huge 'thank you'. And I owe the couple who adopted my baby an even bigger 'thank you'. Because of that situation, I was able to get everything I've always wanted. Because of that heartache and pain, I was able to appreciate the beauty of having my own child with my husband. I look at my life now and simply smile. This is what all that hell I went through was for. And let me tell you, it's so worth it. I would not change a single detail. My first daughter has a wonderful family and has every opportunity that I could not give her at the time. My second daughter has a mom and a dad that love her so much and can give her the life she deserves, and I am very proud to say I am that mom. This time I can give my sweet McCartney every shot at life she wants to take. She has a dad that is already wrapped around her finger, and has been since he found out about her. So, thank you Holly and Oley for loving Adelé and giving her everything she ever needed and deserved. Thank you broken path that lead me to adoption. And I thank my Heavenly Father for changing my stubborn mind that night several years ago in my bishop's office. I began turning my life around and was able to meet Lucas at the right time. Now, here we are with our own sweet little angel and I thank Him every day for all of it.

As per usual, my "update" turned into a gush of my life story, but hey, it's an update nonetheless. My life is pretty good right now.  I'll try to keep you posted ;)

-Allison S. Dahl

Problematic Resolution

Run From That Past: Different Chapter

Hello Readers! I hope your Sunday is treating you well :)

I have some good news and some bad news. We'll start with the good news because it kinda has to do with the bad news...if that makes any sense.

I've started working on a book! Now, I don't know any publishers or anything, so I honestly don't know where it will go once I finish it, but I've decided to do it anyway. I've been told by people close to me that I should write a book and now I'm going to :) 

The bad news is that means my time invested in writing will go to the book, and not necessarily the blog :( I'll still have posts to share and poems etc, but it won't be as regular as it has been. I realize that I do this every time I start a scheduled posting...but I really want to complete a full book! So I had to make some sacrifices. Like I said, I'll still post on here every now and then.

To those of you who have always kept up on my blog and have read it, thank you!! Your views mean more than you know :) I really appreciate the support. This has been a fun "series" to do and write and has really helped me deal with some real life challenges. Thank you for being a great outlet to me, and I'm excited for my new writing adventure. 

I guess this blog is going back to what it was before the "series", so not abandoned!! 

Until next post!

-Allison S. Dahl

RFTP: I Stayed with the LDS Church, and Here's Why

So, lately I have been seeing a lot of leaving-the-LDS-church articles circulating the internet. Each one is a personal story of someone who decided to leave the faith, and they always include a lengthy explanation as to why. Well, I decided that I too will join this, but from the opposite side. Here is why I choose to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and why I will always stay.

First, I don't go to church for the people. I have met a lot of close friends in my church, yes, but they aren't the basis of my testimony. I go to church because of the spirit I feel there. I also enjoy learning about the Bible and the Book of Mormon. I believe everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but I don't let that affect how I feel about God. If someone says something that offends me at church, I choose to let it roll off my shoulder. I'm not there to win approval or make sure I meet someone else's standards. I am there to take three hours out of my week to feel closer to Heavenly Father and my Savior. Church has always been a safe place for me, and a place to feel loved. I can learn and help my own testimony grow by listening to the quiet promptings of the Holy Ghost and the lessons taught there. Church was never meant to be a social get together. As soon as we make it such, we will notice our testimonies weaken.

Secondly, I love the church because it offers me something no one else can: forever. I can be with Lucas for the rest of time and all eternity. We can go to the temple together and feel peace that no other place can bring us. I know what happens there is real and sacred, and definitely not made up. I love going to the temple and each time, it makes me want to be a better person. It also strengthens my faith and I know I am going to the right church.

Next, I believe in the prophet Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon. I know he didn't make up the book. I know they are true stories of things that happened long ago. I know Joseph Smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and was therefore able to restore the Gospel. Joseph Smith suffered a great deal for the things he was bringing forth, and I know he wouldn't have if it were all a lie. He sacrificed everything for this church, and I am so grateful he did. I also sustain our current prophet, Thomas S. Monson. I know he and the other leaders of our church are called of God and are loving, honest, and devoted men.

With all of these things, the last reason I will always be a Latter-Day Saint is because I simply know this church is true. All of the teachings, all of the doctrine, everything...I just know it is true. I have been to some pretty dark places in life, and the one thing that has always remained constant is my Savior. He has never let me down, even when I repeatedly let Him down. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ never forgot about me, and their love lifted me when I couldn't stand on my own. There is no way I would have been able to get through some of my trials without Them. Even now, I know that Heavenly Father and my Savior are watching out for us. We feel it everyday. Through the Atonement, I was able to be made whole again. I was able to be forgiven of my sins, and one day I can return to live with my Heavenly Father.

I am proud to be a member of this church. I am proud that my husband is a worthy Priesthood holder, and I am so grateful we got married for time and all eternity. I know this church is true and I will stay with the LDS church for the rest of forever.

-Allison S. Dahl

Run From That Past: Vacation

Hello Readers! I apologize for being a day late!! We are on vacation and were driving all day yesterday! Sorry!!

Well, I'll make this one short since I've got some relaxing to do ;) Basically I think vacations are a necessity. Every once in a while you deserve some time off, and use that time to relax and enjoy the people or things you love! We drove to visit my grandparents, and we even brought our dog! It's been so fun to show Lucas all the things I grew up loving. Every summer when I was a kid, I would come here and spend two or three weeks with my grandparents. Even as I got older, I always made time to visit them. Now, I get to with Lucas and I just love it! I'm excited for our week here :)

Sorry this is so short, but make sure to take a vacation soon. You won't regret it!

-A. Dahl

Run From That Past: Mapped Out

Hello Readers! I hope your day has been treating you well :)

When I started this "blog series" idea, I wanted the main title to be something that tied in with what I was doing...which was running. I wanted it to be general enough that I could use it for every post, but meaningful enough that it wasn't just my thoughts while I ran. So I want to explain the main title in this post.

We all have some sort of past. Whether it's a lifestyle we lived, ways we treated other people, or things we did, we all have something that maybe makes us cringe when we think about it. I know I certainly do. There was a point during my pregnancy with Adelé that I got a little fed up with the cringing. I was tired of thinking "what if..." and "I should have..." so I decided to accept my past. I accepted the things I had done and was willing to move on from it, without regretting it so deeply. After I went through placement and all the pain that entailed, I learned that living with my past was only going to hurt me. Yes I had moved on, but I wasn't forgiving myself or truly letting it all go. I would still admit to things to people who didn't need to know about my actions. I don't know if it was because I felt obligated to share, or if I was still holding onto it, but I was still living in those memories. Finally it hit me. In order to move on completely, I needed to forgive myself. It was a challenge that I knew would be extremely difficult, but needed to be done.

As I started my running down here in Vegas, I realized thoughts would come that I hadn't thought about in years. These memories of living in Salt Lake (where Adelé came to be) didn't have the same negative impact they used to. Now, it was as if I was going over lessons I had already learned, and I was grateful to have learned what I did. So that's when this title came about: Run From That Past. We all have one, it's just whether or not we let it haunt us. For me, it's best I just don't think about it. I've accepted it changed me into a better person and I don't need to be that girl ever again. For some people, the reminder helps them avoid repeating mistakes. What ever it may be for you, just know you don't have to hold your mistakes over your head until you die. You can accept them, and forgive yourself. You'll find yourself a much happier person once you do.

I don't run from my past, I run from the version of my past that can harm my present and future. Instead, I run with the version that helps me realize I can achieve anything I want, because if I made it through that, well, then I can make it through anything. :)

Have a lovely couple of weeks!

-A. Dahl

Run From That Past: The Apology Who Could

While I am still working on making more animated/video type posts, I figured just a regular written one will do for today.

A few months ago, I saw a meme on Facebook that said "Sometimes You Have to Accept an Apology You Never Received". At first, I rolled my eyes. I thought it was a dumb meme that was probably a disguised jab at one of the posters friends. After a while though, the thought stuck with me. I realized it could mean something deeper than just a double-loaded meme.

In life, we get in fights with those we love. However the fight may come, it's the ones closest to us that can hurt us the most. In turn, we hurt those we are closest to as well. It's kind of amazing what a simple apology can do. The apologies that were short and sweet are the ones that have always had the biggest impact on me. A simple "I'm really sorry" can go a very long way. But what about the times you don't get an apology? What about the situations where you got hurt and the person on the other end didn't seem to care? Well, that's where this silly meme plays in.

In my mind, there are two reasons why someone wouldn't say sorry. The first, being the obvious one, is they don't think they are in the wrong. They feel they did what was in everyone's best interest and there is absolutely no reason for them to be sorry. I know I have been that person before, and I am certain I should've just swallowed my pride and said sorry. And meant it. The second is that the person simply isn't sorry. They know what they said or did hurt, but they felt that they had every right to do or say it, so they aren't sorry. How are you supposed to work with that?

I think the meme is trying to say that you just need to move on. Sometimes we get hurt, sometimes quite badly, and the person who hurt us isn't going to fess up. They aren't going to feel bad, and that will make you angry. Accepting an apology you never received is more than pretending the person said sorry. It's realizing you have no control over their actions and you just need to forgive them anyway. And then forget the situation and carry on. If you hold on to these situations or fights, in the end you are the only one hurting. Chances are they moved on, and so should you.

I've had a difficult time realizing this in my own life. I realize I need to be more apologetic and forgiving, and move on from the situations that cut me. It can be hard, but where there's a will, there's a way. Plus, time heals a lot of wounds, so more often than not, patience is what we need most.

We all have control over our own actions and our own feelings. Even though it make take time and may be painfully challenging, we can let go of the negative feelings towards those who hurt us. We can accept the apologies we never got, and forgive those who aren't sorry. Maybe we can also say sorry a little more, be kinder more often, and go back and apologize to those we've wounded. There's no need to hold onto to things longer than the thing actually lasted. Moving on can be freeing and bring a better joy than we thought it could. I know it has for me.

Well, I know this is short but I hope it made ya think just a little ;)

-Allison S. Dahl