Hello readers! I think maybe I should stop apologizing for not posting as often, because you are all used to it by now ;)
As we are all aware, I miss my dad quite a bit. For some reason, and maybe it was due to the fact I was pregnant for most of it, this third-going-into-fourth year of my dad being gone has been the hardest. I think about him frequently and almost always my thoughts of him turn into tears. There have been so many things I want to talk to him about, and as time goes on, I can no longer imagine what he would say. It's getting harder to remember his voice and the memories are growing more faint. I thought that wouldn't happen until 10 or so more years, but I guess I was wrong.
One memory I have of my dad actually spans over several years. It all started when I was 8 or 9 years old. We were living in Washington, and our garage was a mess. Probably from the recent move two years prior, and the fact we used the garage as storage and not a place to park cars ;). Anyway, my dad was supposed to go on a bike ride with me, but was tasked with cleaning the garage a bit. I can't remember if he was looking for something specific in there, or if it was just cleaning out junk. Either way, this was delaying our bike ride. My dad realized it was getting late, and we wouldn't be able to go. When he told me this, I didn't throw a fit and said I understood. He was happy with my response, and promised he'd give me a "Patience Reward". I'm sure as this first promise originated, he was thinking an ice cream cone from McDonald's. I was also thinking that's what it would be.
Time passed, and we never went to get that reward. Even more time passed, and it turned into an annual reminder that I still needed that "Patience Reward". He always said it required patience (pun intended) and so I would happily wait, knowing that as more time went on, the bigger this reward would be.
For ten years, I brought up this reward and was told it was coming. Finally, one morning, I think the day of my High School graduation, I heard a knock on my door. My dad said, "Your patience reward is on your door!". Since it had been so long, I was honestly expecting a set of car keys. I opened my door, and hanging from the knob was a baseball cap with the college I was going to on it. I was sorely disappointed. That is what I have been waiting for all these years?! Obviously I was sad thinking this is what all that patience had gotten me.
Then I walked out to the living room, and my dad told me to come talk to him in his room. Still upset about the baseball cap that was probably free, I followed him in hoping there'd be an explanation. Then my dad showed me his new iPod Touch he just got, and I thought, "oh cool, that's where the reward went". He then said he just got it with the laptop he got me. I was confused because usually he would get the graduating kid a Dell laptop, but I knew Dell wouldn't hand out iPods with their laptops. My dad sat patiently while I pieced it together. Finally my face lit up when I realized he had gotten me an Apple laptop! "A MacBook Pro!" he said, furthering my excitement. I then said, "so that's the real Patience Reward.." And he smiled and we hugged. I love everything Apple, so I definitely thought it was worth the wait.
I still have the laptop 11 years later, and it (kind of) still works. During school when I used it the most, I often thought of this time and how the Patience Reward went from a (then) $0.50 ice cream cone to a pricey laptop. Had my dad been able to go on the bike ride, or even just get the ice cream cone, I would've ended up with a Dell ;) In all seriousness, who knows what would've happened, but I wouldn't have had that learning experience with my dad. It's even more valuable to me now that's he's on the other side. I know that my patience in waiting to see him again will have the greatest reward of all, a hug from my dad. I think it was more than just waiting to get a reward, it was how I waited. Being patient isn't just not asking about it, or not throwing a fit over it. Being patient is happily waiting and having a positive attitude. Sure, I get really sad in waiting to see my dad again. I have times where I can't stop the tears or swallow the knot in my throat. But I try to live my life in a way that when I do see my dad again, he'll be proud of what I've accomplished. I have the times where I ask to feel him or the times where I just wish I could see him now, like the annual reminder that I hadn't received my reward yet. The rest of the time, though, I'm enjoying each moment with my husband. I'm laughing with my three beautiful children. I'm finding ways to serve others, and make the most of my church responsibilities. I'm being kind to strangers, and waving at the construction worker holding the stop sign. Smiling at the other shoppers in the grocery store. Being kind to my server who is bombarded with tables. All these little things I do on a daily basis are a way of being patient and fulfilling the time I have here on earth.
I know it seems a little dramatic to say I'll be waiting to see my dad again for the rest of my life, but behind all the living, aren't we all waiting? Waiting to be with ones we've lost too soon, waiting for things to be ok in the end, waiting to see what happens next? Perhaps the better words for waiting are continuing on, or moving forward with, or marching on. Either way, all those things require patience. And if we can find a way to be patient happily, doing the best we can, I know we'll all receive the best Patience Reward in one way or another.
-Allison S. Dahl
