P.O.C.A.

I could see myself sitting here years from now
Reflecting on this time and wondering how
I never got the courage to go out and change
This state I'm in, how I was too afraid to rearrange.
I could see myself frowning at the current status
And begging to know why I didn't give in to the madness.
I can see tears streaming down my face as I think how easy it would have been
If only I had the courage to do what I wanted to then.

I know people have their opinions on what I should do
But I'm tired of following what they say, instead of doing what I want to.
If I want to be a part of something or of someone's life,
Then sheesh, let me at least give it an honest try.

I don't want to be sitting here years from now,
Hating myself because I can't answer how
I didn't give it a shot when I very well could have.
I don't want to be lonely and drive myself mad.

So years from now I'll sit and be happy, because I did what I felt I should
Even when nobody thought I actually could.

-Allison S. De Arton

Week 11: Soul-less

Many people claim that I don't have a soul.
They say this because of a certain episode on a certain show.
I used to get offended, trying to state I did,
But then reality set in and the truth could no longer be hid.
Yes, the rumors are not fake and reveal the secrets of a redhead.
I have no soul and might as well be dead.
Instead I steal yours so you can feel my pain,
But the only thing I get from you is another freckle gained.
Having no soul is quite the experience some might say,
But honestly it just makes it harder to go out during the day.
I love my red hair and wouldn't trade it for the world.
Some might say that makes me an odd kind of girl.
Oh well, their words don't bother me,
And I really hope you have fun this Halloween!

-Allison S. De Arton

A Little Bit of Allison: Time

I've always thought time was an interesting thing. The more I've thought about it though, the more crazy the concept of time actually is. Think about it, and you'll understand.

Time is such a major part of our lives. It governs pretty much everything we do. We wake up at a certain time. We go to work or school at a specific time. Meetings, tests, appointments...everything based on time. It's also very important to be "on time".

Another thing time has is answers. We've all heard the phrase "only time will tell" or "you'll see in time". This can either make us love time, or for people like me, hate it. I've always wanted to know what happens next, or who I will wake up next to for the rest of my life, or what my kids will look like. When I was in high school, I would always pray and ask if I could just wake up ten years from now and be there for five minutes, then I would be "good" for the rest of my days. Yeah, my wish was never granted.

There is also another thing time does. It heals. Yes, you read that correctly. Time has a mysterious way of fixing broken things. Broken hearts, broken friendships, and broken lives. Time has an interesting way of making the past hurt less, or seem less vivid. It has a way of making us forget or move on.

The final power of time that I'm going to blog about is time's ability for anticipation. Count downs for things such as the days until Christmas, your birthday, or the final seconds of the past year all give us a sense of excitement. I love the holidays for the sole purpose of the anticipated days that are all too short. Time has a way of making us wait, yet letting the fun times slip away all too quickly.

Well, thank you for taking the time (haha) to read this. Cheers!

-Allison

Week 10: Forgotten

It's only been a little while,
But here I am trying to remember your smile.

You haven't called or sent a text.
I figured this would be what happened next.

I was kind of hoping we'd always be friends...
But now it looks like I don't matter to you, don't pretend.

I've messaged you a few times saying this or the other,
But alas no reply, I fear we've moved on from each other.

You were the one person who I would still call an acquaintance.
I didn't really think our friendship would need so much maintenance.

I feel as though I was a leaf in your life.
You watched it bloom and now that it's gone, you suffer no strife.

I drifted in the wind once the fall came and I fell from our tree,
But now I'm still drifting and you don't search after me.

Why was it that we had to become such very good mates?
I feel as though our time has now been wasted, as our lack of communication states.

Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter.
Your words were sweet, and me they did flatter,

But time is still going,
And a lack of interest in this "friendship" is all that you're showing.

-Allison S. De Arton

P.O.C.A.

This one is a little late, but I'm glad I waited :) Here goes:

I didn't want it to turn out this way,
But I'm sitting all alone.
I don't have a friend or anyone
To call on my phone.

I look down at the screen,
So empty it appears.
I don't know what I'm doing,
No I don't know what I'm doing here.

It's colder and feels lonely now,
It's me against the world.
I'm waiting for the final blow,
For the ending to unfurl.

I hear the words she said,
As she was saying it wasn't fair.
Oh how I wish I could relive that moment,
And feel the love I felt there.

Oh little one, I hope you understand
That whatever decision I make,
It's with your best interest at hand.

I wait for the day when everything will be clear.
When all this sadness will be worth the joy
That I will hold close to me so dear.

So I end this now, as I close my eyes.
I'll step on to the battlefield
And take the hits with no surprise.

I do everything I do for one purpose alone
And that is to end up happy,
And to end up in a glorious home.

Allison S. De Arton

Week 9: Disappointed

I guess I should've seen this coming.
Not one, but two friends throw me to the ground running.
I should've thought this would happen to me
Since they weren't great friends in the first place, you see.

I think I knew in the back of my mind,
That all this would happen in due time.
To be honest, I had hoped it wouldn't.
But alas I was a fool for thinking it couldn't.

What is a friend anyhow?
Is it someone who will let you down?
I used to think no, but now I'm unsure,
For it seems those friendships are left a blur.

You did what any friend should never do.
No, it doesn't matter what I've done to you.
Why? Because that's the point, I said I was sorry.
But that didn't stop you from hurting me harshly.

When it came down to it, you didn't even care.
You said "be careful who you trust" like I wasn't even there.
I'm tired of these games, and when you suddenly get mad.
I hate how these friendships now just make me sad.

Who knows what I will do, because I always seem to forgive.
If I didn't, with myself I just couldn't live.
So I guess I'll pretend like they didn't hurt me,
And make the lines of hurt and pain quite blurry.

-Allison S. De Arton

A Little Bit of Allison: The Power of a Song

Music is a very interesting thing. We all listen to it, whether it's rap, heavy metal, country, alternative, classical, or even dubstep. It seems there is a genre for everyone. I am a huge fan of music. I won't lie, I don't classify country, scream-o, or extremely heavy metal as music. That's just my opinion though. We are all entitled to one.

I was cleaning my living room today when a song played on my laptop. I had it on shuffle, so it was random. The song was a song someone and I once shared as "our song". I thought it was interesting that this simple song invited a flood of memories. So it got me thinking, how much power does music actually have? Well, a lot. It's the same with scents I've noticed. I used a certain shampoo that I used to buy all the time in high school, and it made me think of all the things going on in my life at that time.

Music is used all the time. Everywhere. It's used on television shows, commercials, movies, even political campaigns. It captures our attention and gives us a certain emotion, which is exactly what the creators want. If you watch a scary movie, it isn't half as scary if you take the music out. Intense moments in television are set up by a song that has you on the edge of your seat.

So this simple song that came on my computer set the mood for my cleaning. I didn't change it. Instead I relived the moments in my mind. Cherishing them as they switched from one memory to the next. One could say it made me sad, which I wouldn't disagree with that one. But I enjoyed the fact I was able to create those memories, those special moments, than to not have been able to live them at all.

Yes indeed music has an enchanting power over us, but I do believe it helps make life's moments even more fruitful.

Enjoy the next song you listen to, whatever influence it has on you.

-Allison

A Little Bit Of Allison: Moving On

I figured I would title my blog posts so everyone would know it wasn't a poem. So now all my little tidbits are going to be called "A Little Bit Of Allison". So this weeks segment is on Moving On. Fitting, right?

Well, as I mentioned in my apology post, I moved recently. It was alright, just busy and realizing I have more stuff than I thought. My room as of right now is a disaster, and anyone could probably mistake it for some sort of dump or D.I. room. Basically I have my clothes and everything everywhere. The only carpet you can see is the small pathway I made for myself so I can get to my bed. Pity.

I've had a lot of time to reflect. Pretty much every night before I go to sleep, I ask myself, "What do you want to think about tonight Allison?" and I pick something. Sometimes this leads to me texting a random friend or person that I'll regret texting the next morning. Ah well though. Sometimes I can get good conversations out of these regretful people.

Well, last night I decided to think a lot about a particular person. I know what you're thinking and no, it was actually not about my Yellow Zebra. It seems that Tim man doesn't occupy much of my thoughts anymore. (Maybe that has to do with the move, who knows..)I thought mainly about the boy who all these sad love poems are about. The man who had my heart, and to this day still has a piece of it. His name is the title of one of the poems, just to catch you up.

To give you a brief history, this boy and I dated for about 5 months if you add it all together. Yes, we participated in the break-up-get-back-together madness for a little while. The first time he ended it, the second me, and the third and final time was him again. We weren't ever official again after the first break up, but nonetheless we were going on dates and acting like a couple.

I have a lot of cherished memories with this boy. He was a major part of my life. We had inside jokes, things to talk about, and a chemistry that many envied. He was indeed my everything.

Over the last while after he put a caboose to the whole thing, I've been trying to believe the statement, "We will never, ever get back together.". I listen to that Taylor Swift song day in and day out to make myself angry with him and pretend like I hate him or something. The sad part is, I'm not mad at him, and I unfortunately don't hate him.

There is slight animosity that rises within me when I think about him though, and that's because his reasoning for ending it with me a final time. That's just it though, he won't give me a reason for doing it. He claims it's his business and he doesn't want to talk about it. Ok, I may have a slight idea why, but still. It isn't a valid reason.

So, moving on. It's very much easier said than done. I have tried being in love with other boys (like my Yellow Zebra), thinking about other things..(like my Yellow Zebra), and even hanging out with other influences...(once again, like my Yellow Zebra), but none of these efforts seem fruitful! I am defeated and at a loss. I still find my mind wandering back into his arms, wishing it was really there.

I think the hardest part about moving on is that we don't know what's coming next. We aren't sure if it really will be ok. If things will actually work out. For all we know, we'll be alone for the rest of our lives dwelling on the mistake we made to make us alone in the first place! Ah, the madness!

All I know is that it'll take time. I suppose time is one thing I have a metric boat load of, so I guess I'm set.

I'll always remember his kiss and his smile, but until I meet someone better, I'll be alone. Here in my chair, posting my poems. Writing about my life, but doing all this...
Alone.

Well, I guess that's all for now! Thank you for reading!
-Allison

P.O.C.A.

I'll be quite blunt, this poem was not fun.

I can't seem to think of something to write about,

Not two things, not one.

I saw a movie just the other night,

That inspired me to write like this,

All simple, and tight.

As you might guess, it was indeed

A Dr. Seuss movie, 

That gave me this need.

I like the quote he had,

It made me happy,

And still a little sad.

I thought about my life and where it's going.

It's not going down,

But not up as it seems to be showing.

Every poem I've written in the past while,

Has been about a certain someone,

His heart and his smile.

I don't recall the last time I wrote

Simply to write, and rhyme

With words like boat.

So I suppose this is it,

The poem with no meaning.

It'll have to do this time,

So happy reading!

Allison S. De Arton

Week 8: Alone

It seems as though I'm doing this alone.
No one to stand by me,
Or pick up the phone.
When the night time rolls in,
It feels all too real.
I wish you were here,
Your warm hand I'd feel.

I know I messed up, and caused this break.
I repeatedly write about it,
For I realize it was a mistake.
If only you'd listen to the words from my heart,
I know we could try again with a brand new start.

Things would have to be different this time,
For last it didn't work, this we both know.
I promise I'll try harder,
And not let you so easily go.

Do you not feel it too?
The loneliness creeping in?
It burdens my every thought,
Relentlessly reminding me of my sin.

I want you to know I'll never really move on,
Though each poem I write,
Indicates I have, or will soon be strong.

These are just my ways of coping.
I'll always be here,
For your heart I'm hoping.

Every time I try to say goodbye,
The Lonely Monster comes,
And drowns my eyes.
I won't say it now, for I'll never truly leave.
I miss you love,
Please come back to me.

Allison S. De Arton

P.O.C.A.

I remember you and me.
I remember your smile, you being happy.
I remember the times you held my hand.
I remember feeling so grand.

I still wish those days were here.
I still miss you, miss you so my dear.
If only you knew what went through my mind
When I think about you every night.

I wish you could be here, helping me.
Only you would understand what I need.
I miss your blue eyes and bright smile.
I miss knowing I was worth your while.

What ever happened to you and I?
What ever happened to "never say goodbye"?
I feel as though all my poems these days
Are about you, in various ways.

I miss looking up at you, and knowing you were mine.
I miss spending hours with you, getting lost in time.
Remember when you said you loved me?
Remember when our future was all you could see?

I know our past has damages and breaks,
But we could make it work, whatever it takes.
If only you had the same determination as I,
Then this could really happen, no doubt in my mind.

I won't say goodbye and end this now.
I'll hold on to the hope you'll turn around,
Come back to me, and want things to change.
Until then, I'll just rearrange.

-Allison S. De Arton

Week 7: Lost

It's hard to feel like I haven't lost
When I didn't win, I didn't gain
Not a single bit with my cost.

It's hard to feel like I haven't be defeated
When I'm left with nothing,
Just my failure repeated.

It's hard to say I'm alright
When the reminder is there
In plain sight.

I can't help but feel that I've lost
This game I kept playing,
The game whose results were tossed.

I don't think you cheated,
Although I know you always knew
In the end I wouldn't feel completed.

So I'll accept my fail.
Watch you go on without a care,
Adding other women to your tale.

So I've lost, it's done.
I guess it was silly of me
To think I could've won.

-Allison S. De Arton

Sorry!!

Once again, sorry I am so late with my posts this week. I moved back to Idaho over the weekend and I've been pretty busy all week. Anyways, hopefully my poems will make up for it :)

-Allison