A Little Bit Of Allison: Moving On

I figured I would title my blog posts so everyone would know it wasn't a poem. So now all my little tidbits are going to be called "A Little Bit Of Allison". So this weeks segment is on Moving On. Fitting, right?

Well, as I mentioned in my apology post, I moved recently. It was alright, just busy and realizing I have more stuff than I thought. My room as of right now is a disaster, and anyone could probably mistake it for some sort of dump or D.I. room. Basically I have my clothes and everything everywhere. The only carpet you can see is the small pathway I made for myself so I can get to my bed. Pity.

I've had a lot of time to reflect. Pretty much every night before I go to sleep, I ask myself, "What do you want to think about tonight Allison?" and I pick something. Sometimes this leads to me texting a random friend or person that I'll regret texting the next morning. Ah well though. Sometimes I can get good conversations out of these regretful people.

Well, last night I decided to think a lot about a particular person. I know what you're thinking and no, it was actually not about my Yellow Zebra. It seems that Tim man doesn't occupy much of my thoughts anymore. (Maybe that has to do with the move, who knows..)I thought mainly about the boy who all these sad love poems are about. The man who had my heart, and to this day still has a piece of it. His name is the title of one of the poems, just to catch you up.

To give you a brief history, this boy and I dated for about 5 months if you add it all together. Yes, we participated in the break-up-get-back-together madness for a little while. The first time he ended it, the second me, and the third and final time was him again. We weren't ever official again after the first break up, but nonetheless we were going on dates and acting like a couple.

I have a lot of cherished memories with this boy. He was a major part of my life. We had inside jokes, things to talk about, and a chemistry that many envied. He was indeed my everything.

Over the last while after he put a caboose to the whole thing, I've been trying to believe the statement, "We will never, ever get back together.". I listen to that Taylor Swift song day in and day out to make myself angry with him and pretend like I hate him or something. The sad part is, I'm not mad at him, and I unfortunately don't hate him.

There is slight animosity that rises within me when I think about him though, and that's because his reasoning for ending it with me a final time. That's just it though, he won't give me a reason for doing it. He claims it's his business and he doesn't want to talk about it. Ok, I may have a slight idea why, but still. It isn't a valid reason.

So, moving on. It's very much easier said than done. I have tried being in love with other boys (like my Yellow Zebra), thinking about other things..(like my Yellow Zebra), and even hanging out with other influences...(once again, like my Yellow Zebra), but none of these efforts seem fruitful! I am defeated and at a loss. I still find my mind wandering back into his arms, wishing it was really there.

I think the hardest part about moving on is that we don't know what's coming next. We aren't sure if it really will be ok. If things will actually work out. For all we know, we'll be alone for the rest of our lives dwelling on the mistake we made to make us alone in the first place! Ah, the madness!

All I know is that it'll take time. I suppose time is one thing I have a metric boat load of, so I guess I'm set.

I'll always remember his kiss and his smile, but until I meet someone better, I'll be alone. Here in my chair, posting my poems. Writing about my life, but doing all this...
Alone.

Well, I guess that's all for now! Thank you for reading!
-Allison