Run From That Past: Different Chapter

Hello Readers! I hope your Sunday is treating you well :)

I have some good news and some bad news. We'll start with the good news because it kinda has to do with the bad news...if that makes any sense.

I've started working on a book! Now, I don't know any publishers or anything, so I honestly don't know where it will go once I finish it, but I've decided to do it anyway. I've been told by people close to me that I should write a book and now I'm going to :) 

The bad news is that means my time invested in writing will go to the book, and not necessarily the blog :( I'll still have posts to share and poems etc, but it won't be as regular as it has been. I realize that I do this every time I start a scheduled posting...but I really want to complete a full book! So I had to make some sacrifices. Like I said, I'll still post on here every now and then.

To those of you who have always kept up on my blog and have read it, thank you!! Your views mean more than you know :) I really appreciate the support. This has been a fun "series" to do and write and has really helped me deal with some real life challenges. Thank you for being a great outlet to me, and I'm excited for my new writing adventure. 

I guess this blog is going back to what it was before the "series", so not abandoned!! 

Until next post!

-Allison S. Dahl

RFTP: I Stayed with the LDS Church, and Here's Why

So, lately I have been seeing a lot of leaving-the-LDS-church articles circulating the internet. Each one is a personal story of someone who decided to leave the faith, and they always include a lengthy explanation as to why. Well, I decided that I too will join this, but from the opposite side. Here is why I choose to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and why I will always stay.

First, I don't go to church for the people. I have met a lot of close friends in my church, yes, but they aren't the basis of my testimony. I go to church because of the spirit I feel there. I also enjoy learning about the Bible and the Book of Mormon. I believe everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but I don't let that affect how I feel about God. If someone says something that offends me at church, I choose to let it roll off my shoulder. I'm not there to win approval or make sure I meet someone else's standards. I am there to take three hours out of my week to feel closer to Heavenly Father and my Savior. Church has always been a safe place for me, and a place to feel loved. I can learn and help my own testimony grow by listening to the quiet promptings of the Holy Ghost and the lessons taught there. Church was never meant to be a social get together. As soon as we make it such, we will notice our testimonies weaken.

Secondly, I love the church because it offers me something no one else can: forever. I can be with Lucas for the rest of time and all eternity. We can go to the temple together and feel peace that no other place can bring us. I know what happens there is real and sacred, and definitely not made up. I love going to the temple and each time, it makes me want to be a better person. It also strengthens my faith and I know I am going to the right church.

Next, I believe in the prophet Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon. I know he didn't make up the book. I know they are true stories of things that happened long ago. I know Joseph Smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and was therefore able to restore the Gospel. Joseph Smith suffered a great deal for the things he was bringing forth, and I know he wouldn't have if it were all a lie. He sacrificed everything for this church, and I am so grateful he did. I also sustain our current prophet, Thomas S. Monson. I know he and the other leaders of our church are called of God and are loving, honest, and devoted men.

With all of these things, the last reason I will always be a Latter-Day Saint is because I simply know this church is true. All of the teachings, all of the doctrine, everything...I just know it is true. I have been to some pretty dark places in life, and the one thing that has always remained constant is my Savior. He has never let me down, even when I repeatedly let Him down. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ never forgot about me, and their love lifted me when I couldn't stand on my own. There is no way I would have been able to get through some of my trials without Them. Even now, I know that Heavenly Father and my Savior are watching out for us. We feel it everyday. Through the Atonement, I was able to be made whole again. I was able to be forgiven of my sins, and one day I can return to live with my Heavenly Father.

I am proud to be a member of this church. I am proud that my husband is a worthy Priesthood holder, and I am so grateful we got married for time and all eternity. I know this church is true and I will stay with the LDS church for the rest of forever.

-Allison S. Dahl

Run From That Past: Vacation

Hello Readers! I apologize for being a day late!! We are on vacation and were driving all day yesterday! Sorry!!

Well, I'll make this one short since I've got some relaxing to do ;) Basically I think vacations are a necessity. Every once in a while you deserve some time off, and use that time to relax and enjoy the people or things you love! We drove to visit my grandparents, and we even brought our dog! It's been so fun to show Lucas all the things I grew up loving. Every summer when I was a kid, I would come here and spend two or three weeks with my grandparents. Even as I got older, I always made time to visit them. Now, I get to with Lucas and I just love it! I'm excited for our week here :)

Sorry this is so short, but make sure to take a vacation soon. You won't regret it!

-A. Dahl

Run From That Past: Mapped Out

Hello Readers! I hope your day has been treating you well :)

When I started this "blog series" idea, I wanted the main title to be something that tied in with what I was doing...which was running. I wanted it to be general enough that I could use it for every post, but meaningful enough that it wasn't just my thoughts while I ran. So I want to explain the main title in this post.

We all have some sort of past. Whether it's a lifestyle we lived, ways we treated other people, or things we did, we all have something that maybe makes us cringe when we think about it. I know I certainly do. There was a point during my pregnancy with Adelé that I got a little fed up with the cringing. I was tired of thinking "what if..." and "I should have..." so I decided to accept my past. I accepted the things I had done and was willing to move on from it, without regretting it so deeply. After I went through placement and all the pain that entailed, I learned that living with my past was only going to hurt me. Yes I had moved on, but I wasn't forgiving myself or truly letting it all go. I would still admit to things to people who didn't need to know about my actions. I don't know if it was because I felt obligated to share, or if I was still holding onto it, but I was still living in those memories. Finally it hit me. In order to move on completely, I needed to forgive myself. It was a challenge that I knew would be extremely difficult, but needed to be done.

As I started my running down here in Vegas, I realized thoughts would come that I hadn't thought about in years. These memories of living in Salt Lake (where Adelé came to be) didn't have the same negative impact they used to. Now, it was as if I was going over lessons I had already learned, and I was grateful to have learned what I did. So that's when this title came about: Run From That Past. We all have one, it's just whether or not we let it haunt us. For me, it's best I just don't think about it. I've accepted it changed me into a better person and I don't need to be that girl ever again. For some people, the reminder helps them avoid repeating mistakes. What ever it may be for you, just know you don't have to hold your mistakes over your head until you die. You can accept them, and forgive yourself. You'll find yourself a much happier person once you do.

I don't run from my past, I run from the version of my past that can harm my present and future. Instead, I run with the version that helps me realize I can achieve anything I want, because if I made it through that, well, then I can make it through anything. :)

Have a lovely couple of weeks!

-A. Dahl

Run From That Past: The Apology Who Could

While I am still working on making more animated/video type posts, I figured just a regular written one will do for today.

A few months ago, I saw a meme on Facebook that said "Sometimes You Have to Accept an Apology You Never Received". At first, I rolled my eyes. I thought it was a dumb meme that was probably a disguised jab at one of the posters friends. After a while though, the thought stuck with me. I realized it could mean something deeper than just a double-loaded meme.

In life, we get in fights with those we love. However the fight may come, it's the ones closest to us that can hurt us the most. In turn, we hurt those we are closest to as well. It's kind of amazing what a simple apology can do. The apologies that were short and sweet are the ones that have always had the biggest impact on me. A simple "I'm really sorry" can go a very long way. But what about the times you don't get an apology? What about the situations where you got hurt and the person on the other end didn't seem to care? Well, that's where this silly meme plays in.

In my mind, there are two reasons why someone wouldn't say sorry. The first, being the obvious one, is they don't think they are in the wrong. They feel they did what was in everyone's best interest and there is absolutely no reason for them to be sorry. I know I have been that person before, and I am certain I should've just swallowed my pride and said sorry. And meant it. The second is that the person simply isn't sorry. They know what they said or did hurt, but they felt that they had every right to do or say it, so they aren't sorry. How are you supposed to work with that?

I think the meme is trying to say that you just need to move on. Sometimes we get hurt, sometimes quite badly, and the person who hurt us isn't going to fess up. They aren't going to feel bad, and that will make you angry. Accepting an apology you never received is more than pretending the person said sorry. It's realizing you have no control over their actions and you just need to forgive them anyway. And then forget the situation and carry on. If you hold on to these situations or fights, in the end you are the only one hurting. Chances are they moved on, and so should you.

I've had a difficult time realizing this in my own life. I realize I need to be more apologetic and forgiving, and move on from the situations that cut me. It can be hard, but where there's a will, there's a way. Plus, time heals a lot of wounds, so more often than not, patience is what we need most.

We all have control over our own actions and our own feelings. Even though it make take time and may be painfully challenging, we can let go of the negative feelings towards those who hurt us. We can accept the apologies we never got, and forgive those who aren't sorry. Maybe we can also say sorry a little more, be kinder more often, and go back and apologize to those we've wounded. There's no need to hold onto to things longer than the thing actually lasted. Moving on can be freeing and bring a better joy than we thought it could. I know it has for me.

Well, I know this is short but I hope it made ya think just a little ;)

-Allison S. Dahl

Run From That Past: My Generation

When I originally wrote this, I wasn't sure who I meant by this specific group of people. After a few weeks, I decided the "generation" I place myself in (and the ones I describe in this post) are people who graduated (or were meant to graduate) high school between the years of 2008 and 2012. So, if you got your High School Diploma in 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, or 2012, this post is for you :) Enjoy!

To The Generation Labelers:

Good day, ladies and gents. I have some words for you.

When I was younger, I was told my generation was labeled the “Millennia’s Children” or something to that effect.

Then, it was Doomsday Survivors, Mayan Calendar Conquer’s and, my personal favorite, The Raptured.

Well, with all of those set aside, now I am hearing the word “entitled”.

I have a list of E- words we are:

Excited

Empowered

Empty Vessels

Encouragers

Elite Few

Entertainers

Entrepreneurs 

Engaged in Life

Ever-Changing, consequently, Ever-Adapting

So, I will accept any of these words, but I will not accept entitled. I have nice things yes, but I have labored for them. 

I learned how to do laundry at age 9. My mother paid me $10/hr at this age to pay for school clothes, birthday presents, and so on. I purchased an iMac and HP printer in 2014 and had it paid off by early 2015. (Thanks to my dear husband’s help).

I drive a Corolla that was given, but then payments were burdened upon my parents. Now we tag team it in a sense. Luke and I pay car insurance and registration fees ($200/month for insurance, about $350 for the registration). While my parents make the monthly payments for the vehicle itself.

The only debt Lucas and I have is our credit card that we keep current. This is to establish credit history because we are quite young. Our parents help us with our health insurance because it gained them lots of money to take us off of their plans. At least for my parents, this was the case. His and my parents also tag team this cost 50/50.

In case you are wondering, I am a white female. Age 23. Born in Idaho, raised partially in Washington, then partially in Idaho again. I have lived in California, Utah, and Nevada as well. We pay our rent, and the only federal assistance we receive is Financial Aid from our University. I work part time (28 hours a week) and Lucas can only work 20 hours for the school. Both of these jobs are hourly. I went for the full time position at my job and was not selected.

Therefore, whoever you are, please, don’t ever. Ever. Refer to my generation as entitled. We are anything but. 

A. Dahl

New! Poem Segments

Hello! Here are a few poems. It will be called Poem Segments and will occur randomly between each bi-weekly post. (Run From that Past).

This is the first! I have brought on a fellow writer who helped me add the pictures. He hasn't established a pen name, so for now, we will call him Fellow Writer Friend. FWF :) He came up with the background to illustrate what my words painted in his mind. Enjoy.

Onward We Go

First, let me say THANK YOU!! I just hit 13,000 views. You guys ROCK. It's pretty surreal to see that number move up.

I am excited about my upcoming Run From That Past post here in a couple of weeks. Well..one week actually. Anyway, it'll be a surprise but let's just say it's going to have more pizazz than most of my other posts :) And, as promised, it will be light hearted. I'm not actually that funny, so hopefully you'll give me a couple of pity laughs. ;)

This blog will be short and sweet, but I just wanted to give a message of encouragement.

If you are having a hard life right now, keep your chin up. Keep smiling, and laugh, even if you don't want to. Someone out there loves you, and it's about time you love you. You deserve it. Yes, you.

Have a good week, and come back Sunday the 17th!

-Allison S. Dahl

Run From That Past: Lost in Time

I promise next time my post will be on a lighter topic! But for today's post, I am afraid it's quite the opposite.

I know several people who have been hit very hard with this issue. It's almost a silent killer and leaves us wondering why, and even worse, how could we have stopped it?

Suicide takes the lives of many, and we never can find complete understanding as to why. I think the hardest part is that there are so many "what if I had..." associated with suicide that can make the suffering ones crazy themselves.

Not too many people know this, but I had an uncle once. His name was David, and he was my mom's younger brother. It was just those two growing up, and according to my mother, they were pretty close. Shortly after my mom married my dad, and David was a senior in high school, he made the decision to take his life. No one saw it coming, and everyone wished they could rewind the time and convince him to change his mind. He was 17 years old and had a full life ahead of him. But something in his brain decided 17 years was enough time to live, and it was the end of his life path.

Well, fourteen years and five other children later, I came into the picture. I had two sets of grandparents even though my father's parents had passed, I had my mom's cousins who I considered aunts and uncles, and I had no reason to believe I wasn't loved by many. As I got older, I came to learn of David. Even though it had been decades since his death, I found myself wondering similar questions as those who knew him.

My dad had a half brother, but he and his wife never had children. So, that means I don't have any first cousins. This wasn't that big of a deal in Washington, but when we moved to Idaho when I was in high school, that was just another weird thing about me. I felt like everyone was related in Idaho, and I didn't even have a fist cousin to joke with about it.

In my teen year while I suffered with my mental illness, I often wondered about David. What was he like? Did he like football or chess? Was he into classical music or the Beatles? Did he like Chinese food like me? Would we have been close had he stayed alive? Where would he live now? What would be his career? How many children would he and his wife have? Would he ever have even gotten married?

The questions grew into a heartbreaking list. Even though I never knew him, I always saw the pain in my mother's eyes when his name was brought up. I could feel the loss of someone who was very much loved. This pain often stopped me from making a similar choice, so I suppose that may be the only thing that can be viewed as semi-positive about his death. I am certain there are other things that could've stopped me though, so I most certainly don't view David's death as necessary.

After I had graduated high school, and was moving on into my own adult life, I found myself missing someone I didn't know. I thought about David more frequently and even found myself growing angry towards him. Why would he do such a thing? What possessed him into thinking he needed to die? Didn't realize what a permanent decision that was? What about his mother? Didn't he worry about hurting her, or even hurting his father? Why didn't he tell them he was sad? Why didn't he get scared and just breakdown and tell his mom? Why?

Adding to the much-too-long list of questions, I found myself realizing I wouldn't receive answers any time soon. I decided being angry wasn't helping anyone, in fact it was just hurting myself. I needed to find peace though. Over the years, my mom has become a little bit more open about it with us, her children. I can't even fathom how hard that would be. I personally haven't lost anyone I knew and associated with on a daily basis to death. I know one day it will happen, but I hope it's not for a very long time. I can't imagine how hard it was for my mom and grandparents. He was so young, and left much too soon. No mother should have to bury her baby, and how awful that my grandmother had to.

Now, as I'm married and building our lives and careers, I can't help but miss the uncle I never knew. There are times when I feel like we would've been close. I probably would talk to him the way I talk to my older brother. We'd probably meet up for lunches if he lived nearby, and if he didn't, Lucas and I would go visit him. He'd probably have a few children of his own and we'd have more family reunions. The list goes on of what could have been.

The nice thing about my religion is we do indeed believe in an after life. I know that has given me much comfort when it comes to David. I firmly believe I will get to meet him one day, and I will have some questions answered. He probably won't be able to answer all of them, because I think even he would question why he did it. I look forward to the next life when I can see that we can be close, and I can say I have an uncle.

Suicide is such a complicated thing. One of my church leaders said that someone who does that isn't in their right mind when they do it, so they can't be judged for taking a life. I still wish David had stayed. I wish he had found a reason to not end his own life. I suppose it taught his family, including myself, many things, but I feel those lessons could've been learned many other ways. It might sound strange to miss someone you've never met, but I do. I do miss David.

If you ever feel like life isn't for you anymore, just remember it gets better. Think of your family, friends, and even colleagues. Even if you feel hated and that everyone would be better off without you, that simply isn't true. People will miss you for generations to come. Don't take your life, don't do that to the people that know you. You don't want to give them an entire list of questions you'll have to answer someday. If you're feeling that low, talk to someone. They even have a suicide hotline now. Call them. Anything to help you feel better and stop feeling like taking your life is the only answer.

If there's anything I want you to take from this post, it's that even after over 30 years of David's passing, he's still missed. He hasn't been forgotten. His mother and father remember him and still love him. They still wish they could hug him again. His sister still feels the pain every year that goes by. Yes, they all continued their lives, but they have been forever altered. Even David's nieces and nephews he never came to know miss him. So please, don't take your life. It may ease your burdens for a time, but those burdens don't simply disappear. They are put on your loved ones and they are left missing you miserably.

Thank you for reading, and I promise I'll write a happier post soon!

-Allison S. Dahl