Time is moving quickly, only a month and a half until the wedding! Yikes! I feel like there's so much to do, yet pretty much everything is already done. I'm so thrilled to not have to say goodnight anymore...that's probably what I'm looking forward to most. Oh and making Luke breakfast while he's still sleeping. I'll bet this new domesticated version of myself will only last a few months. Who's ready to place bets ;)
Ok, so being engaged has been awesome. I love planning out my eternity with my best friend. One thing that engagement does is it gives you a wake up call...everyday. Each minute that ticks by brings me closer to starting my life with my eternal companion, which brings us closer to realizing life is changing.
I've been single for 21 years according to Social Security. Yeah I've had boyfriends and serious relationships, but I've never been engaged. I've never said yes to a man asking me to be his wife until June 3rd. Now that Lucas put a ring on it, I need to do some serious re-evaluating on my life! For a long time I honestly thought I'd die single. I had it all planned out: I was going to move to Germany, buy 20 cats, and live happily being the American girl down the street with multiplying cats. That was fine with me. Yeah, I didn't really want that, but I was convinced my past had given me that future. Well. Lucas had other plans.
If you've read my blog, you've read our story. One detail I left out is how quickly I fell in love with Luke. Something was different about hanging out with him. Other boys I have been with have been nice and fun, but I always knew the moments would end. I would always tell them to wish to 'make this moment last forever' because deep down I knew none of them would last. With Luke, I didn't have that worry. I didn't waste my time wishing for it to last forever, because I knew it would. Saying goodnight is more of an annoyance instead of a tragedy. It's so comforting to know Lucas is mine forever, and not having to wish for it.
With all of that, there also comes a price to pay. I didn't really understand this until now, but being single and being engaged/married are two very different life styles. My friends are about 50/50. Half are married, and the other half are single. Here I am in between and in awe at how different the two are. I promised myself that I would still keep my friendships with my single friends because I know the feeling of being bailed on. It's a hard promise to keep. When I'm with Lucas, he's all I want to think about. When I'm not with him, he's all I want to think about. Trying to fit in anything else in my brain is next to impossible. It's sad because I expect people to make time for me, and I usually am pretty good at making time for them, but all I really want is to be with Lucas.
I didn't notice there was much of a problem until I recently noticed that I've stolen Lucas from his previous life. He doesn't hang out with his friends anymore, he doesn't go to lunch with them, and he sees his family when I'm working or we are there together. At first, I was really bothered by this. I felt like I was taking over Lucas's life by consuming all of his free time. I felt like that crazy fiancé that all of his friends hate because I don't want him talking to his exes, or even to the girls that hurt him. I felt like I was burning bridges for him, all the while he was watching them burn. I honestly didn't like myself for that. When Luke and I first started dating, I let him go to lunch with other girls that were close to him. I wanted him to hang out with his high school chums, and I wanted to have things stay that way. As we grew closer and more serious, I realized things couldn't stay that way. I stopped talking to guys that I was friends with, and he stopped talking to the girls he was friends with. It had nothing to do with whether or not we liked them, it had everything to do with the fact we found it less intriguing. We still love our friends dearly and want to remain friends with them, we just hang out with each other more right now...and I suppose that's ok.
I'm still struggling with the concept of making Lucas my other half. It's hard to let someone in that much and count on them to pick up where I lack. Yeah the idea of marriage and engagement is rainbows and butterflies, but the reality is so much more than that. It's a lot of work to let someone become your better half. I wouldn't pick anyone else to do this challenge with, and I'm so happy he picked me too.
As far as our friends go, I'm still trying to learn the balance. Honestly I'm a social person, so I love having new friends and keeping the ones I've already made. I guess the real lesson is learning that what Lucas wants is most important to me, and I will always do that first. Then I can fit everyone else in. It sounds simple, but it's not. The bonus part is, though, I have eternity to figure out how to do it right.
-Allison Susanne De Arton
No comments:
Post a Comment