Yellow Zebra

The concept of a Yellow Zebra is quite sad. It's something that is tangible, like a person, that one desires, but one will never attain.

Most people have a Yellow Zebra. It's someone you're in love with and will never be with. So, I am going to dedicate this post to my Yellow Zebra. I feel slightly bad and a little awkward because my Yellow Zebra reads my blog...and will know full well this is about him. Ah well, I guess I don't care.

To start off, let me just tell you how amazing my Yellow Zebra is. We'll call him.. Tim. I don't know any Tims. Well, Tim is quite attractive. Probably one of the more attractive people I've ever seen. There's something about his smile that is captivating. His dark eyes can see into your soul, I swear. And yet when they're looking into mine, I can't help but gaze back. Tim is funny. He makes me laugh a lot. He and I share a sense of humor that I've never had with anyone. Tim is also easy to talk to. We talk a lot, and about pretty much everything. I feel comfortable talking to him about all sorts of things, and telling him things I don't even tell my best friend.

When I first met Tim, I was actually dating someone. I didn't let that get in the way of developing a relationship with him, though. I don't think there's anyone out there that gets me like Tim does. He seems to know what I'm thinking before even I do.

I could go on about why I'm madly in love with Tim, but instead I'll tell you the sad part of this story. The part that makes Tim a Yellow Zebra.

I won't mention when, but there was an evening Tim and I spent together. I got all cute and, I won't lie, I looked pretty good. He came and picked me up. We went to a film and enjoyed it, at least I did. Well, then Tim and I went to his house and talked for a bit. Oh my little heart did hope. I just wanted one kiss, ONE kiss out of this guy. I did all I could..what with all the flirting...trying to sit close. I'm telling you people, I worked as hard as I could, but Tim was unbreakable. There was no way he was going to kiss me. So finally he said he was going to take me home. I got into the car, and I won't lie, I fought my hardest to not cry. I'm quite the warrior, so I was able to choke back the tears until I shut my bedroom door.

Now, this situation is only sad because of the facts behind it. Tim and I have been friends since February '12. I have been in love with him for the same amount of time. When he didn't kiss me that night, it was more than him saying no. It was Tim admitting there was no future with us, and there never would be.

So to all of you who have a Yellow Zebra, hopefully you'll find a white one who is better looking. :) To finding White Zebras!

Allison S. De Arton

P.O.C.A.

It's an interesting thing, this life we live.
We take all we can, and do our best to give.
It can get hard and lonely, and sometimes sad,
But when we stop and think, we're grateful for what we have.

The joy of life is simple yet hard to understand.
It can be a lesson learned, or something unplanned.
Life has it's own way of showing us new things.
Sometimes it's happy, this story it brings.

"I wish I knew then what I know now,"
Is a common phrase for us all somehow.
Yet if I really knew then what I know now,
Where would the learning be, where all the "how"?

Yes there are times where I look back and cringe,
But I keep moving forward, and not let my past, my future hinge.
I feel that if I stop and really think,
I'll find plenty of joy in my life, and it won't really stink.

So many things to be grateful for in this challenging time,
How lucky I am that this life is mine.
I look at it proudly, with a smile on my face,
For no one is me, and I cannot be replaced.

Week 6: Autumn

There is something about the Autumn air
That brings in new joy everywhere.

I love the trees and their color change,
I love the new season, time to rearrange.

New books and pens, and pencils too.
New stories about the summer for you.

I love when Halloween is near,
So ready for the holidays, I make that clear.

Walking outside in the morning breeze
Makes me happy, so happy indeed.

There's another aspect to Fall that I love
It's something hard to describe, hard to paint a picture of.

I love the environment of starting new.
Of new beginnings, new times without you.

It may seem harsh to word it like that,
But now is my time to completely come back.

Whether in school, or at work, or play,
I now get to be me, every single day.

No worries or cares about the past,
Just my life going, oh so fast.

Fall has its moments of sadness as well,
But I know the next morning, I'll be happy as far as anyone can tell.

I can't wait to carve pumpkins, all orange and round.
I love the leaves I walk on, crunching on the ground.

Autumn, I'm so glad you're here,
I can't wait for the holiday season, oh it's so very near.

Allison S. De Arton

A Change of Tides

This time in my life is proving to be nothing but more and more interesting/intense. Life has thrown all sorts of curve balls and I don't know the best way to handle them, except for one at a time. So I'm going to move back to Idaho as soon as work will let me. I decided I didn't get quite enough time with the good old mom and dad, so I'll take this time to be with them. I wanted to wait until November, but alas, now I want to go as soon as I can.

I used to love my job. Correction, I still do, just a little less now. I'm sure every work place has a similar situation. I just think that I'm the center of the rumor mill and I'm not a fan. To top it off, a close friend kind of set me to the curb and that made it even more fun. Now, why am I posting about this on my blog? Well, I always like to write about my life lessons as I'm learning them. This friend and I have an interesting relationship. He is someone who understands me on a level that I'm not sure even I get. So when he does something to make me mad, it's worse than your average Joe. What I've learned from all this is that people are going to be people. Don't give them more credit. I know that sounds harsh, but no one is perfect. I think for the longest time I expected this close friend to be perfect. I expected him to be everything I thought him to be. And when he wasn't, I was the only one left disappointed.

I know this may seem harsher than my previous posts, but I'm all about honesty. I'm only twenty and I feel like I know things that some of my thirty year old friends are still trying to piece together. I know that makes me sound like I'm conceited, but aren't we all at this age? This month has been one of the most trying ones of my life, and I've found that there are few that are actually here for me. Which is why I have to remember people will always be people. If they weren't, then we wouldn't be here.

I have few friends like I mentioned that have seen me through most of what I'm going through. A lot of it I need to do on my own, such is life, but the friends I have still try. One of those is Jelena Nikolic. Her and I have quite the friendship. It's definitely one of the more unique ones I've ever had. One minute we are at each other's throats, then the next we are holding each other crying. She has seen me through my darkest times. Whether it be an ex boyfriend, a mean girl, or some stupid person from work, she always has my back. Even though we get fiesty with each other sometimes, she's always there for me. And I'm there for her too. I've never cried with a friend before until Jelena. Her and I can talk about anything. She probably knows more about my life than some of my sisters. Sad, right? Haha. She's definitely been the best friend I've needed in my life right now. Our fights never last more than a day. I don't know where I'd be without that woman. She has seen me through so much and continues to help me through this terrible time.

When I say terrible time, I'm mainly referring to right now. I just had a bad day and really...in the grand scheme of things..my life is quite fantastic. Yes it's going where I never expected it to, but I'm enjoying the surprises.

Well, I thank you for your time. I hope you gained some insight and you enjoyed my blog! Cheerio!

Allison S. De Arton

P.O.C.A.

You


You make me happy.
You make me laugh.
You make me smile,
Even when I'm mad.

You listen to me
When all I do is complain.
Kissing you is one thing
From which I must refrain.

Your smile is so sincere
So genuine at heart.
I knew I was in love with you
When I met you from the start.

Simple phrases to express how I feel,
I hope they don't scare you,
Since they're all too real.

I'll hold on to them tightly,
Although I'm sure you already know.
I'll dream of our "one day",
Until then, I'll let go.

Allison S. De Arton

So Sorry! /// Torn: Week 5

I've had quite the week and was sick all day yesterday, so my apologies for not posting on Wednesday or yesterday. I hope these two poems will make it up!!


TORN


I want to talk to you.
I want us to be friends.
I want to see you again.
I don't want to be used as a means to an end.

I'm tired of these games we play.
I'm tired of those words you wouldn't say.
I'm tired of the pain I feel.
I'm not tired of this feeling, feeling of real.

These tears won't stop falling.
These tears stream down my face.
These tears result from your lack of calling.
These fake laughs are my only embrace.

I hear their whispers loud and clear.
I hear their reasonings as to why you're not here.
I hear my heart loudly pound.
I don't hear your voice, that melodic sound.

I guess I'll have to let go now.
I guess I'll say goodbye.
I guess I'll forget you somehow, because
I know you will no longer be the influence of my cry.


Allison S. De Arton

P.O.C.A.

Love and hope,

on this downward slope.

Up and downs,

these smiles and frowns.

I missed you then,

I miss you now,

But I can't tell you,

even through this cloud.

You're gone this time, 

This time forever

Even though now I realize,

It's for the better.

I loved you,

With the fullest love

But now I see,

It could never be enough.

So here it is,

my last poem to you

Goodbye old friend, goodbye.

I'll miss you.

Allison S. De Arton

Week 4: For Chris

I know that there's nothing left to say,
Yet somehow I still want to call you everyday.
I know I can't change our past, better yet our future,
But somehow I still wish it could be you in my wedding picture.

I know I'll have to let go of this state of madness,
I guess I just found that you were the root of my happiness.
I know that I need to say goodbye and move on,
But it seems you're stuck in my head like an annoying song.

I know you're gone, and gone for good this time,
I know one day you'll find joy in not being mine.

So here's my final beg and plea to you...
Don't regret anything, or whatever I was to you.

Allison S. De Arton

Zen

     This week has been quite the interesting one. I've had an Idaho trip planned for some time now, and it finally came. I came up for my birthday, then went back to Utah to work and then back to Idaho for my week long vacation. Well, on my way to Idaho the first time, (on my actual birthday) my car decided to break down half way between Idaho Falls and Salt Lake in a middle-of-no-where town called Malad. So I got to take a nice little nap on the side of I-15 for two hours while my parents came out to my rescue. My poor little Herrman (car) is in Malad right now being fixed. It'll be done by Sunday when I head home.

     So this week has thus far been an interesting one. I can't decide if it has been hectic or relaxing. On one hand, I slept for 13 hours the first day I was here. So that was fantastic. But then it feels like I've been running around doing things all day, every day. It's only Wednesday and I'm ready to go back to Utah. Idaho has that effect on people, though, so I'm not too surprised.

     Today I went on a bike ride. It was on my awesome beach cruiser I got for my 17th birthday, it has a basket and everything. Anyways, I was riding and thinking and there's no better place to do that than here in good old Idaho. The day was nice and there was a breeze. I feel so poetic just describing the day, haha, but it was quite enjoyable. As I thought about everything that's happening in my life, a sort of peace happened. I don't really know how to describe it other than using the word Zen. I've never really done that kind of stuff, but it seems that that's the only word to describe the feeling. It was so nice to be in a state of complete calmness that I couldn't help but come home and blog about it.

     With this state of "zen", I also came up with a few good poems that will have to (unfortunately) wait until Sunday. I also came up with the conclusion that no matter how crazy life gets, it always goes on. I'm sure that's been said a million times, but actually believing it is the key. And today, I finally believed it. 

     Well, after all this, I still have half a week left here in Idaho. I hope it goes by fast so I can get to work at 7am on Monday morning. Why I'm scheduled that early, I have no idea. Anyways, thanks for reading! :)


Allison S. De Arton

P.O.C.A. (poem on current-life affairs)

Madly Enraged

I don't get what I did wrong.

You say "do this, do that" when you've known

All along

That I'd be left in the dust

And cold,

And you'd refuse to help me because 

You're 'too old'.

I remember that night in my head so

Clear,

When we laughed, and cried, and talked so

Dear.

I won't forget the way you make me feel,

But it's time to wake up,

Let go, and get back

To reality...because those feelings

Are all too real.

Allison S. De Arton

The Opposite of "Hello" , Week 3

There are a lot of poems
Speaking of the opposite of "hello".
They usually ask questions like,"how could you?","why did you?"
And most importantly, "where exactly did you go?"

Simple questions, yet answers so complicated.
Heart breaking moments leaving one so frustrated.

The opposite of "hello" might make one cry,
So I guess it's my time to finally say it...here goes...so long,
And goodbye.


Allison S. De Arton